Lessons.

Three weeks ago, bible study was cancelled and we were asked to help out with a selling things to raise funds for Kenyan children. The whole things was arranged by Aunty P and Aunty J, but Aunty J was hospitalised and so Aunty V took over and hence the Youth rockers were asked to help. Well, we were only plural because two of us turned up.

Anyway, I don't know what is about me that moved me to burn the entire morning to sell unsuspecting parishioners Kenyan beads and overpriced bars of Hershey's. To be truthful, poverty is not really high on my list of things to champion. This, I am quite ashamed to admit. Poverty is probably the easiest social issue for anyone to take up and do something about. I don't need to quote GP and stats for anyone to figure that out. In fact, the poor are always under our noses! When was the last time you stopped to buy tissue paper from the beggar at the MRT station or along the underpass or while walking down the street?

Chances are, it's been a while. I only know two people who do it personally, and neither are myself, though I am hoping that will change. The point is, I wouldn't be the person organising this sort of charity event. So why was I there along? I guess God wanted to make use of my charm for raising funds and to teach me something as well. I think I really learned something that day.

1. I am amazed at the generosity of St. Ignatians, I really didn't expect them to donate more than was necessary for a bar of overpriced Hershey's for their children, yet they surprised me in more ways than one. One lady pushed a wad of fifties into collection box, while many others gave a fifty and refused the change(the bars were $5). It was amazing. What was more amazing were the children. Aunty V gave them little bookmarks with charming face of Mtoto, a five year old boy and little inscription that $2 could feed Mtoto for 4 lunches. They ran back to their parents and either brought back lunch money for Mtoto or their parents to provide lunch money for him. I felt that they sincerely wanted to help provide food for Mtoto, because I hadn't told them about the chocolate yet, and I was quite pleased to see their elated expressions when presented with a bar, granted Mummy allowed it. Positive reinforcement working at its best, altruism provides good feelings. Now they'll probably keep at it and hopefully when they're older they'll understand the profoundness of their little acts of human kindness.

That wasn't the most amazing part, it was when some of the children(btw they were all in primary school) took out their own wallets and gave their own money. I felt so bad, because as an NSF, and as a student before that and student to be, I know what it's like to barely have enough money to last a week or month and yet here these primary school children were using their very precious pocket money to buy Mtoto and other Kenyans food. I was hoping they would ask their parents for money or something and it is these feelings that I commented in passing to Aunty only to surprisingly receive a censuring. She said, 'We mustn't stop the little ones from receiving graces in heaven. When they donate, they will go hungry in school for a day and they will learn something about poverty. They will understand the plight of the poor.'

I was rather taken aback. Two things rang like alarm bells in my head, the first was the verse 'let the little ones come to me.'. In my desire not to inconvenience the little ones, I had inadvertently almost repeated the apostles' good intention. I was denying them from getting closer to Christ. I was also denying them indulgences. Of course, I changed my course of mind completely, and following this epiphany, went about directly asking and hoping the children would make sacrifices of themselves. Children are wonderful things aren't they?

The second thing I realized was that I was denying them a valuable lesson about sacrifice(if Mummy and Daddy didn't intervene to help them). Like Aunty V mentioned, going hungry for a day would allow them to learn the feelings of Kenyans, of all the poor and those in poverty, who go through malnourished days wondering when their next real meal would be. Often times, it isn't even a proper meal. In some small way, they would soon have a spot for the poor in their hearts, thus prompting them, I hope, to repeat the altruism again.

2. The second thing I learned was something interesting Aunty P said to me, 'So you want to be a doctor? That's very good my dear. I shall pray for you to become a doctor. No. I shall pray that it is WITHIN God's plan that you become a doctor.'

It got me thinking, I've thought about it before, and as always when some statement such as this does, cause you to review the thread of thought. It is a rather dream-breaking thought for anyone who has a dream that he has yet to materialise:

What if God doesn't want me to be a doctor?

It is a rather depressing thought for me, because I sincerely do not believe that I will be as contented or challenged doing anything else. And to all who think I have a one track mind, I have toyed with other career ideas, but none don't fit as well, none balance my great love for science and logical reasoning with the curiousity of the creature called Man, and my desire to heal his ailments. Yet what if that isn't what God wanted me to do. If I resisted, could I still make it to medical school? Would I never make it? Would I be happy? Will I ever make it since I've been sidetracked so long and the road is still dark and winding? What am I supposed to do. A million other queries brush aside any logical answer that quells the previous few.

All I know is that God has a plan for us, and I have made the choice to place my life in his hands, so I hope that what I desire is part of his plan. I also know that he only gives me a cross that is light enough for me to carry without my back breaking, so that I will learn lessons and skills in order to carry out his will. I guess that is in essence what Aunty P's words meant, that I will do the best I can and leave the rest up to God, and if it doesn't work, to move on and find my true purpose. I just hope I won't ever have to give up this dream.