5 Reasons Why Altar Servers are Cool.

Sorry ladies, this one is for the boys. Now, now before you start complaining about gender equality and all that, you may want to understand that these fine lads, your friends, are putting themselves in serious danger. I mean, the whole reason for allowing young boys to put on cassocks at serve at the Lord’s altar is to foster a religious vocation to the priesthood. Also, you may want to drop that gender sociology class, it’s all whack.

Yes, that’s right, to foster Christ’s call to men to join His blessed apostles in His divine ministry. That’s a life of celibacy, servitude, long years of philosophical and theological study, getting up at the break of dawn to pray the divine office and never really clocking off the job. Don’t forget having to put up with satan’s constant pranks. Don’t worry guys, you have someone far more powerful watching over you.

I’m sure you ladies have far more important things to do in your desire to consecrate your lives to serving Christ, like helping Him make more priests so that there’ll be more Masses and confessions. Anyway, you know how men always need extra help doing things…right? And besides, I don’t think you really want to wear the same thing every day do you? (or…if you do)

So anyway, here’re the five.

1. The cassock makes you look über cool and manly. If you don’t believe me, check out Christian Bale. Or Father Dwight Longenecker
It may be long and flowy, but it’s really difficult to look girly in a cassock, especially if it’s black.

2. Being an Altar Server makes you manly. I remember, a long, long time ago, when I was but a wee lad, about the age of seven, all I wanted to do was be an Altar Boy. They were so cool, in the cassocks, doing things in sanctuary, helping the priest, and also helping God. I had to wait so long before I could start, like a whole entire year until I received First Holy Communion to join. Can you imagine the agony? A whole year (I was seven, give me a break, a whole year was like a seventh of my life). The older kids were like giants and we looked up to them. Even the things they did were manly, the president at that time was a commando during national service. How cool is that? When I finally got in, I was like woooooooah. The point is, a senior altar server has responsibilities, you will be responsible for guiding your little ones to becoming gentlemen.

And if you’re really good, you get to wear bling during mass.

Plus, You’ll also teach how to start and play with fires, which brings me to my next point.

3. One word: THURIFER. Remember how when you were young, you always wanted to play with fire and couldn’t? Well now, you can, and you get great smelling smoke too. Come on guys, who doesn’t think that swinging a giant metal case with hot coals and sweet smelling smoking come out of it is not cool? That was about the coolest thing ever, you lead the procession and get to smoke the priests and servers and people. And if you really good, you get to try tricks.

If that’s not cool enough, have you heard of the botafumeiro?

Okay, I’ll be a bit more serious now.

4. A chance to get really close to the Blessed Sacrament. You know how, during Mass, the Priest consecrates the host, and turns the bread into the actual Body of Christ, and then you quietly say, ‘My Lord and my God.’? (I’m sure you do), and then it hits you, and you’re like, ‘O MY BRONTOSAURUS!!!!! GOD IS RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF ME! I AM BEFORE GOD, SO COMPLETELY UNWORTHY AND SINFUL AND GOD IS THERE!?' Then you stare in deep adoration, dumbfounded in awe and wonder at the most beautiful Blessed Sacrament that the priest is elevating for a few seconds? (Repeat for Blessed Blood, except say, ‘O Lord, be mindful of Thy creature whom Thou has redeemed through Thy most precious blood.’) And that’s when you’re sitting all the way at the back of church. Now, imagine that while being right up there in front of the altar, especially at low Mass. Ya, I know, it seems kind of silly. Since, you get right up close and personal when you receive communion, but you have to admit, it’s a whole different experience.

5. You’ll learn more about Mass than you ever did in catechism. If you’re like me, then you probably didn’t learn anything from those ten years in catechism class every Sunday. It’s not your fault that the catechist didn’t think it was important to teach you about the perils of mortal sin or tell you cool stories about how Santa Claus layeth the smackdown upon a naughty heretic during the Council of Nicea.

They probably thought it was better to teach you things like God is all loving and merciful, and then leave out all the other important things you need to learn, like how to actually attend Mass.

Besides, cat class wasn’t a complete was of time. The IJ girls were cute and so easy to tease right? I digress… But, we as Catholics have an obligation to know more or less how and why Mass works, so we can stick it to our protestant friends that we have real presence (with charity and kindness of course).

Serving Mass honestly helped me to gain a better appreciation of it. At least, by the time I was confirmed, I knew what a ciborium, chalix and monstrance were. Since then, I have learned a lot more about Mass and why it’s so important to our faith. So, important that the Pope tells people to go learn more about Mass and put the liturgy at the centre of their lives. This honestly saved my soul. If not for these basic tenants of truth to draw me back into the arms of Holy Mother Church when I had gone astray, I am sure I would have lost my soul by now.

So, I hope I have convinced you. And if you’re old like me, don’t let that stop you from learning to serve Mass. You know, how you join that happy clappy Catholic Students Society in school and then, they always have these private Masses? Ya, those need servers too. Or, if you really want to do it, I’m sure the 7am Mass at your local parish is looking for servers.