The Truth.

There is a saying that 'the truth hurts' and indeed it does. The truth when laid out before you, strips you down of all your delusions of grandeur, or all the masks that hide the scars, of all the scars that hide the skin, and so you stand there, naked, as you are, in all you are. Naked, vulnerable, exposed. The truth is plain and bare. And when you're exposed like that suddenly, for the truth usually comes fast and quick, it is like an explosion and it hurts.

Preparing for interviews, completing university admissions forms and thinking about contingency plans are painful and torturous tasks. They remind me of all my failures and regrets in my first tour of academia. Having to constantly prove oneself and still find some confidence behind the shame of a lousy record. I guess, I'll always be lugging some baggage on my shoulders until the end.

I am very blessed to know so many people who were willing to help me prepare for my interview! Blessed especially to know the people I know. A former head of HR in a major bank. A bio tutor who's well versed in these interview questions. A medical student who's willing to take time off to meet with me. Not to mention all the advice people have been giving me. I'm very thankful to have you all in my life.

It is not surprising, being a medical school interview, that 'be truthful' is the most common advice that I received. Truth is an important facet in a doctor's life. His career, his vocation is built around it. The search for the truth in diagnosis followed by it's transition into the patient's hands. Trust is built on the integrity that flows from truth. And that trust is so crucial. If a doctor lies to patient, the patient is no longer capable of making proper decisions that will affect their bodies. Granted they are exceptions in extreme circumstances, it is something that certainly shouldn't be commonplace. However, medicine is a very competitive course and everyone wants to get in. In fact, you need to be the best of the best to get a place. Perfect grades, et cetera. The interview is the first of many. It's essentially a job interview and you need to make them want you.

Hence, I was surprised when preparing for the interview with a friend, the question of 'how many other offers have you received' came up and I was told to lie. With my lousy grades, getting other interviews is a miracle, and I know I can have flexible morals and lie if it suited me. (I'm not a serial liar, however I am willing to do so if necessary), yet somehow it seemed wrong particularly in this case to lie. Just wrong.

He cajoled further, 'if you want to get in, you'll have to lie.' And he had a point. After all, the point of the interview is selling yourself to the university. Why should they want you if noöne else did? You're immediately labelled as a reject and that spells defective. Why would anyone want to take you on then? How difficult can it be? Just to say '3' and give names. They can't check, universities don't reveal that information. It's acting after all, pretending to be someone else, putting on a mask and becoming that person for a short period of time...so simple. I'm an actor after all.

Yet, I couldn't. I couldn't from the start. I couldn't reconcile it, no matter how much I turned and twisted it around in my head. The decision was obvious. I would be honest. I cannot build a career whose foundation is lies on the truth with a cornerstone that is a lie.

Then the uneasy few hours past between that preparation and the interview the next day. I hoped that they wouldn't ask that question. They didn't, though they asked something similar, they asked 'why did you pick this college?'. And I told them the truth. That I was out of options and that if I wanted to do medicine, I would have to choose this college and that I knew it was a good college even if it wasn't highly graded and it didn't require straight As. I'm lucky to have found a decent and good medical school that I qualified for and that had churches that I could attend. (I didn't mention the churches though)

I know the consequences of such a response. I can only prayer and hope that they do not see me in a negative light.