Where Got Time?

'Where got time?'

It's a phrase often uttered during driving course, and always by people who have already completed or passed a certain stage in their course and always to taunt people who have yet to pass that stage.

I certainly heard it a lot. At the two key stages of the course, I was stuck for a while as I watched everyone else go on without me. In fact it took me eight attempts to pass my driving test. I cannot fathom why except to postulate that ADHD played a major role in carelessness during the test. It was like a replay of the years in school. I had to watch as my peers took off and left and went ahead without me. I watched as all the engineers slowly went back, I watched all my supervisor friends finish and return to the Advance Alley, I watched my coursemates go too. It was a very trying period for me.

Failure is not something tolerated well by this society, it doesn't believe that failure can only encourage learning. You learn the most from your mistakes and failures, no matter how painful, then you ever will from success. Seeing a fire and feeling it's extreme heat upon your fingers is the difference between true understanding and a false one. The pain that shoots through the burnt area and throbs for a week reminds you never to attempt to hold the fire again. However, Failures can also be enjoyable ones, a father who gently corrects his son's attempt to join the wrong pieces of a model plane together will do two things: 1. show his son that learning is fun and 2. build a stronger bond between them. It is of course a balance.

However, failure in this course is akin to getting caught for a petty crime. Failures are ridiculed by peers, pitied by others and a made to do corrective training. I can remember that by the time I failed my seventh attempt I was practically willing to give up. And did I have to a lot to give up. I had one last attempt before I would be re-vocated and loss my promotion with a pay rise and most importantly my pride.

Most of the trainees who go through this course are not very educated people, and here I was the A level student. As much as I am ashamed to admit, I was being rather elitist about the whole thing, at least in my head. I was inclusive and made friends with them, but I despised them for passing first and I despised myself even more for being more capable and not able to pass on my first go.

It's almost a mirror to my education. I felt that I was smarter than my classmates, and the same cycle repeated itself. It was worse though because in school I completely didn't attempt to connect with them at all as I did with my coursemates. To think, had I been the person I am now three years ago, I would probably have had a lot more friends. That said, I was and still am a rather socially awkward person. It is really embarrassing what a big ego and pride can do to you.

The whole experience has been humbling. I wonder if God had a plan for me in this coure. I wouldn't have passed without his help, and I realized that. I wouldn't be able to get anywhere with his grace. He's also made me put my money where my mouth is regarding my ideology of inclusion rather than exclusion. I have made quite a few friends here in the course. In fact, the entire group practically never stopped encouraging me to pass and I am wholly grateful for this! I also think I learned more about leadership during this course than I ever would in OCS. Most importantly, I learned more about humility.

I truly understand the frustrations of the drivers who take a longer time to pass. The short duration between tests sometimes as short as two days. The lack of time for emotional and psychological recovered. The demoralisation of being left behind. The frustration and the stigmatism of being branded a lousy driver despite having clocked the most mileage. Only the good instructors and the testers know who's safer.

This pass is not my own, and you will never ever hear me utter 'Where got time?'