Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Things never happen the same way twice, dear one.
-Aslan, The Chronicals of Narnia, Cs Lewis
through the sins of my life, through my eyes here they balantly taunt me. Like everything that i've ever wanted to do or to have flashing before my eyes. this is not good for me. Oh i tell you! I've become a beach slut. Only suited to wallow each day along the spritely beaches soaking up the suns rays, lazing around doing nothing, lazing around for not a care, lazing around, no responsibilies. that is suddenly where i find myself.

have i burnt out again, fallen into that all too familiar nook, am i to die this way? but it seems so wrong, to be tired out and demoralized before the start of a term. i resolve to be strong! i know what i must do, for after all, he put me here, and by more times than i can count or remember he has shoved me back alone this seemingless cold and fruitless path. Yet i know! it was one where the fruit will grow only when the path is finally trod. [the gates of princeton/oxford/cambridge/jhs awaits]
and he's done much to make it barren and desolate, for the events which encompass my days towards my exams are timely placed so that i may not take part in them. sigh, august, competition- u-23s, competition-acjc students, otherwise known as prelimary exams. the final frontier before the big fall. too bad we have no more terminal examinations. even other endeavours that my heart holds dear are torn and shredded, the calendar has no space for them. after all it is the major examinations year. whereupon such a year can you have time for something frivolous like a relationship, it's a most facetious statement.
give up, give up david!
you have lost much anyway, there was nothing there to begin with, just your imagination run amok. there's nothing in here life but to the dying.

i wish i wish, for war to run it's course, to be over and peace to return to us all. my sunny beaches where i can just lie down and close my eyes as the waves roll on to me, and then be no more.
I worry, now they are all dispersed, all disappeared, will i be able to face this tempestuous storm alone?

if you read this, you, yes you, you know how, AND if you don't you're really silly for missing the clue. i'm worried about you, you're overstressing yourself, you're overworking your burdens and you're applying all the oils of the perfectionist to your brain... i pray you don't burn out my dear, it would be sad to see the fire die inside, and 1st degree burns are difficult to treat and always leave scars. do relax a bit more, stop watching the clock and just concentrate on what you need to do.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

this is the end of the world.
the whales stuck out of the beach,
like warheads on the sand,
here,all breached,
drowning in this summer heat.
i reach for your hand and
it's not there.
why did you leave me here,
here alone when for the world to end?

how did the world come this way?
it's like just the other day
we walked this beach alone,
the sand in our toes,
with nothing to care,
just the clouds in the air.
then they came, flipped the world
upside down, in their hands, they hold
her, crushing away the life.

take be back to winter,
when we grew the lilies behind the old garden shed.
a nightmare came one day and brought the sun out again,
and he tore away all the pure white snow,
and brought with him the evils, the heat, the wind.
and then they came, from amongst us,
they've been hiding since a long time ago,
they brought down the towers and opened the castle door,
and into our lives, they stormed tempestuous.
ever treacherously threatening to throw out
the bombs and betray the world.
my world.

and our soldiers fought one by one and fell,
liked fields ripe for the plucking, they fell,
each one, adding to the torrent, here they fell.
and the sea of blood drenched the inner city walls,
amidst the purple skies of summer.
even the kangaroorats hid in their holes,
a break from their feasting on sour corpses bleeding
to hide from them, the evils.
the world had fallen in two days.

and you said to me,
'i'll stay with you always'
but you disappeared into nothingness,
along with your quiet whispers,
fading away, from this very world,
i don't think i can last any longer...
they caught up with me today,
and in the cell they left a needle,
this hypodermic syringe, and here a knife,
a pill, oh sweet death that they have left me!
a cure they said for what was to come.

and then it began, from the dawn of day to the dust,
the terrible treatment at the hands of the evil,
for no information was i to give them,
and...and they promised me that you'll come back,
a sweet sweet promise, my dear love...
a masque for the lies they instilled in my head.
oh how i'm beginning to forget your kiss.
everyday my head explodes from the pain,
a few short memories here and there, this pain.
my brain wants to escape it all,
the voices, the delusions, the hallucinations.
here's to the endgame.
i reach for the needle,
and yet you stop me with your gentle hand,
and yet you're not there. it was my imagination bent,
broken and destroyed.

and then it happened,
it broke, the dam destroyed, the river flowed.
my mind caved in and died,
oh but sweet freedom, as the light shot from my eye...
heart beating, faster and faster,
coursing sweet energy, no more pain.
and i killed them all, a single thought,
choked them all and buried them in their technological fortress.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

I haven't actually been high in a damn long time, i'd almost actually forgot the feeling. The almost out-of-body astral feeling. The weird lag time inbetween wanting to move your limbs and the actual movement, as though you were watching yourself move from afar. The depressant part of the effect. Then the was the part where you feel all high, in your head, while everything else is lagging, your mind is just zooming down thought lanes, the stimulant part of ethanol. i definitely need to do this again soon!