Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Medical Love Affair.
I'm sorry girls. I'm taken.
yes, my nerdish ways have made fall in love with a dream. My sweet medical dream. It spurs me on in my sleep, through my dreams, and in my waking through my day. It has made me enlist in a factory-esque jc, drag myself through an idealistic curriculum with unrealistic teachers and face a deluge of annoying political societies. Ah, but it will be all worth it when I finally finish this drive and we meet and run off for our decade long courtship, into the setting sun. ahh, dreams.
I sometimes wonder how much of being some hellspawn of two doctors (I'm sure they feel like that sometime), where one of them is a third generation doctor. That would of course have affect anyone's life. I mean growing up in a whole horde of doctors. Nearly every party would have us playing with some other doctors kids. heh, luckily we never played doctor :P It's hard not to be influenced no?
And then there hospitals and clinics which i played in while waiting for my parents. I remember several instances so vividly. The one which made me gain all curiousity for the colour red and the bodily fluid that has it, when i was eight, I was at my mother's clinic waiting for her, and her friend from church came to have her blood taken. Of course being the impulsive, curious and friendly brat that I was, we made started talking and I followed her to have her blood taken. I remember being very fascinated by all the things my mum was telling her friend and the nurse, about the syringes they needed to buy and the needle and how her friend didn't have very good veins or something. But seeing the deep, dark red fill the chamber of the syringe was quite thrilling. Maybe that's why i like to see blood being taken. Thrill. I'm the number one person to donate blood, sadly, I'm on too much meds to do so.
Though of course having parental units already attached to your one true love, and one of them having a habit of telling lame jokes contributes to many really really bad jokes about with reference to medicine. Though i still love her dearly. haha.. Today we were having lunch and my mother reminded me of how i once wanted to emulate my father in his field if orthopedic surgery. Of course, since I had changed my mind since then, i proclaimed that i found that kinda boring with the bones and all. My mum's riposte was that it was all engineering, which, as everyone knows i really don't have much affection for. This was further persued and developed into Orthopedic surgery being really like carpentry of the body, since it's really about adding things to stabilize and making it look all pretty and stuff, which lead the mum suggesting that general surgery was like plumbing. Much to our disbelief, though she supplied the following evidence: 'it is, since you get a clogged intestine, you cut here, drain. or you have a blood clot in the leg, you open the vein and remove the blockage."
Of course, me, being a smart alec, went onto ask about neurosurgeons, to which my mother having no more evener smarter than alec answers, made a quick consultation with my father who gave the answer that neurosurgery is akin to fine watchmakers. So that's it folks, our surgeons are really glorified medical carpenters, plumbers and watchmakers. At least the plumbers don't moon you while they work.
yes, my nerdish ways have made fall in love with a dream. My sweet medical dream. It spurs me on in my sleep, through my dreams, and in my waking through my day. It has made me enlist in a factory-esque jc, drag myself through an idealistic curriculum with unrealistic teachers and face a deluge of annoying political societies. Ah, but it will be all worth it when I finally finish this drive and we meet and run off for our decade long courtship, into the setting sun. ahh, dreams.
I sometimes wonder how much of being some hellspawn of two doctors (I'm sure they feel like that sometime), where one of them is a third generation doctor. That would of course have affect anyone's life. I mean growing up in a whole horde of doctors. Nearly every party would have us playing with some other doctors kids. heh, luckily we never played doctor :P It's hard not to be influenced no?
And then there hospitals and clinics which i played in while waiting for my parents. I remember several instances so vividly. The one which made me gain all curiousity for the colour red and the bodily fluid that has it, when i was eight, I was at my mother's clinic waiting for her, and her friend from church came to have her blood taken. Of course being the impulsive, curious and friendly brat that I was, we made started talking and I followed her to have her blood taken. I remember being very fascinated by all the things my mum was telling her friend and the nurse, about the syringes they needed to buy and the needle and how her friend didn't have very good veins or something. But seeing the deep, dark red fill the chamber of the syringe was quite thrilling. Maybe that's why i like to see blood being taken. Thrill. I'm the number one person to donate blood, sadly, I'm on too much meds to do so.
Though of course having parental units already attached to your one true love, and one of them having a habit of telling lame jokes contributes to many really really bad jokes about with reference to medicine. Though i still love her dearly. haha.. Today we were having lunch and my mother reminded me of how i once wanted to emulate my father in his field if orthopedic surgery. Of course, since I had changed my mind since then, i proclaimed that i found that kinda boring with the bones and all. My mum's riposte was that it was all engineering, which, as everyone knows i really don't have much affection for. This was further persued and developed into Orthopedic surgery being really like carpentry of the body, since it's really about adding things to stabilize and making it look all pretty and stuff, which lead the mum suggesting that general surgery was like plumbing. Much to our disbelief, though she supplied the following evidence: 'it is, since you get a clogged intestine, you cut here, drain. or you have a blood clot in the leg, you open the vein and remove the blockage."
Of course, me, being a smart alec, went onto ask about neurosurgeons, to which my mother having no more evener smarter than alec answers, made a quick consultation with my father who gave the answer that neurosurgery is akin to fine watchmakers. So that's it folks, our surgeons are really glorified medical carpenters, plumbers and watchmakers. At least the plumbers don't moon you while they work.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
I know what it's like!
Today i was outside the
Medical-Science bookstore at NUS and OMG.
The feeling that ran through my head as I stood there browsing the most wonderful textbooks with out a credit card to make purchase can only be described as standing outside the Pearly Gates without a pass!
I was like a little kid in a candy store. There were books that I could only dream of reading there.. They had everything..Infectious Diseases, Virology, Histology, Oncology, OBGNY, Orthopedics, Surgery, Molecular Biology, Robotics, Quantum physics, organic chem, physical chem, inorganic chem. Everything I could at present ever want to read about science. The curiousity in me is like a never filling sponge, soaking up that lovely, lovely juice. YUM..
GAAaaaaAAh.. it's so distracting, thinking about this new green pasture that i want to get myself into. STUDY STUDY STUDY that's all my brain can say. So like a good little giant boy, here i am infront of my computer with music and a chemical equilibria. Of course though, the reason i have equilibria open is because I have that test tomorrow. This maybe the only time that I will admit that I wish I had gone to RJ. The notes that they give to their students beats ACJC any day. We had 3 pages on entropy and they had an entire lecture. I'm willing to expose myself to the carrion and endure the green rashes for all that extra knowledge. Though I doubt I'd have found it any different than this stupid school I'm currently in. Socially anyway.
After all, 'JC is just a transition state' all the teachers continually chime, no time to really make friends, find a lover and soulmate, do some great meaningful community service or large event, and get those As. Nah, you only get to do one well. Pick well. Be happy for the rest of your life and be stuck in a cubicle desk job selling pizzas or go onto greater things. Bleah... Guess you got to be some superhuman guy to do all those, or have the determination and balls to see your plans through.
Which reminds me of this GIANT idea that I have. It's the sort of huge idea that fails if one of my smaller ideas fail. The sort of idea that's going to be HUGE. and i DO NOT want this one to fail. I won't say what it's about here...yet anyway, BUT, if you are reading this and I come up to you all professional-like, which I am, and ask you to join me, I hope you say 'yes'. It's going to be a lot of fun.
I'm praying to God that I will find my team of 10-13 people.
Medical-Science bookstore at NUS and OMG.
The feeling that ran through my head as I stood there browsing the most wonderful textbooks with out a credit card to make purchase can only be described as standing outside the Pearly Gates without a pass!
I was like a little kid in a candy store. There were books that I could only dream of reading there.. They had everything..Infectious Diseases, Virology, Histology, Oncology, OBGNY, Orthopedics, Surgery, Molecular Biology, Robotics, Quantum physics, organic chem, physical chem, inorganic chem. Everything I could at present ever want to read about science. The curiousity in me is like a never filling sponge, soaking up that lovely, lovely juice. YUM..
GAAaaaaAAh.. it's so distracting, thinking about this new green pasture that i want to get myself into. STUDY STUDY STUDY that's all my brain can say. So like a good little giant boy, here i am infront of my computer with music and a chemical equilibria. Of course though, the reason i have equilibria open is because I have that test tomorrow. This maybe the only time that I will admit that I wish I had gone to RJ. The notes that they give to their students beats ACJC any day. We had 3 pages on entropy and they had an entire lecture. I'm willing to expose myself to the carrion and endure the green rashes for all that extra knowledge. Though I doubt I'd have found it any different than this stupid school I'm currently in. Socially anyway.
After all, 'JC is just a transition state' all the teachers continually chime, no time to really make friends, find a lover and soulmate, do some great meaningful community service or large event, and get those As. Nah, you only get to do one well. Pick well. Be happy for the rest of your life and be stuck in a cubicle desk job selling pizzas or go onto greater things. Bleah... Guess you got to be some superhuman guy to do all those, or have the determination and balls to see your plans through.
Which reminds me of this GIANT idea that I have. It's the sort of huge idea that fails if one of my smaller ideas fail. The sort of idea that's going to be HUGE. and i DO NOT want this one to fail. I won't say what it's about here...yet anyway, BUT, if you are reading this and I come up to you all professional-like, which I am, and ask you to join me, I hope you say 'yes'. It's going to be a lot of fun.
I'm praying to God that I will find my team of 10-13 people.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Wouldn't it be nice...
Here I am, 9:30 in the morning, awake and dressed and showered, waiting for a chem tutor who just ponned chem. Woow-whee. Gah. I dunno what's more hilarious, cept that I have a chem test this wednesday, later in about five and a hours, I am going to step onto that bacteria-ridden pitch at CCAb and going to come face to face with Bucks. They are going down. Rightn now? I'm sitting at my computer listening to hits from the past, there were suppposed to be happyish songs. Although over an empty stomach with hydrochloric acid and other hormones pouring in all over the place reminding me I haven't eaten in about eight hours, and some distraught confused feelings, they seem so sad and fairytale-esque.
I guess I should really stop blog surfing. I mean some of them are really really good entertaining writers, albeit the rest are quite difficult to read, more like painful sometimes. Then I see all the photos, all the happy smiling faces. All the retardedness. Kinda makes me wonder where i left my retardedness. I should put up a notice init.
Lost: retardedness, last place seen, somewhere under elm's bridge. If found please
return to David, there's a reward.
Though Elm's bridge is some fictional cobswallop I just made up, complete with applesauce, it's a very real place somewhere in my heart. I do believe that you can never really lose your person. That person who you're supposed to be, that thing where you're just being 'yourself', ya that can't be lost. But, it sure as hell can be buried.
I think it goes deeper than that. I think burying yourself seems to have it's own working and visiting hours. Like depending on the time of the day (eg school..school..school) Visiting hours seem to be closed. Though I'm looking at this from a very negative point of view. I should just go find my shovel.
I need to stop seeing her smile.
I guess I should really stop blog surfing. I mean some of them are really really good entertaining writers, albeit the rest are quite difficult to read, more like painful sometimes. Then I see all the photos, all the happy smiling faces. All the retardedness. Kinda makes me wonder where i left my retardedness. I should put up a notice init.
Lost: retardedness, last place seen, somewhere under elm's bridge. If found please
return to David, there's a reward.
Though Elm's bridge is some fictional cobswallop I just made up, complete with applesauce, it's a very real place somewhere in my heart. I do believe that you can never really lose your person. That person who you're supposed to be, that thing where you're just being 'yourself', ya that can't be lost. But, it sure as hell can be buried.
I think it goes deeper than that. I think burying yourself seems to have it's own working and visiting hours. Like depending on the time of the day (eg school..school..school) Visiting hours seem to be closed. Though I'm looking at this from a very negative point of view. I should just go find my shovel.
I need to stop seeing her smile.
Friday, July 20, 2007
For the Ladies.
Man Smart (Women Smarter) - Harry Belafonte
I say,
Let us put man and a woman together
To find out which one is smarter.
Some say man but I say no,
The woman got the man de day should know.
And not me, but the people they say:
That de man are leading de women astray.
But I say, please listen when i say she's
Smarter than the man in every way.
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter,
That’s right, that’s right
Ever since the world began
Woman was always foolin' man
And I you listen to my bid attentively
I goin’ tell you how she smarter than me
And not me, but the people they say:
That de man are leading de women astray.
But I say, please listen when i say she's
Smarter than the man in every way.
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter,
That’s right, that’s right
In de garden of Eden, Adam built a home.
When he settle down, Eve start to roam.
Many a night, he spent in pain.
Whenever Eve was able, she was raising Cane.
And not me, but the people they say:
That de man are leading de women astray.
But I say, please listen when i say she's
Smarter than the man in every way.
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter,
That’s right, that’s right
You meet a girl at pretty dance,
Thinking that you would stand a chance.
Take her home, thinking she's alone,
Open de door, you find her husband home.
And not me, but the people they say:
That de man are leading de women astray.
But I say, please listen when i say she's
Smarter than the man in every way.
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter,
That’s right, that’s right
I was treating a girl independently,
She was makin' baby for me.
When de baby born and I went to see.
De eyes was blue, it was not by me.
And not me, but the people they say:
That de man are leading de women astray.
But I say, please listen when i say she's
Smarter than the man in every way.
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter,
That’s right, that’s right
Garden of Eden was very nice,
Adam never work in paradise.
Eve meet snake, paradise gone,
She make Adam work from that on.
And not me, but the people they say:
That de man are leading de women astray.
But I say, please listen when i say she's
Smarter than the man in every way.
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter,
That’s right, that’s right
Methusaleh spent all his life in tears
Lived without a woman for nine hundred years
One day he decided to have some fun
The poor man never lived to see nine hundred and one
And not me, but the people they say:
That de man are leading de women astray.
But I say, please listen when i say she's
Smarter than the man in every way.
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter,
That’s right, that’s right
I say,
Let us put man and a woman together
To find out which one is smarter.
Some say man but I say no,
The woman got the man de day should know.
And not me, but the people they say:
That de man are leading de women astray.
But I say, please listen when i say she's
Smarter than the man in every way.
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter,
That’s right, that’s right
Ever since the world began
Woman was always foolin' man
And I you listen to my bid attentively
I goin’ tell you how she smarter than me
And not me, but the people they say:
That de man are leading de women astray.
But I say, please listen when i say she's
Smarter than the man in every way.
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter,
That’s right, that’s right
In de garden of Eden, Adam built a home.
When he settle down, Eve start to roam.
Many a night, he spent in pain.
Whenever Eve was able, she was raising Cane.
And not me, but the people they say:
That de man are leading de women astray.
But I say, please listen when i say she's
Smarter than the man in every way.
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter,
That’s right, that’s right
You meet a girl at pretty dance,
Thinking that you would stand a chance.
Take her home, thinking she's alone,
Open de door, you find her husband home.
And not me, but the people they say:
That de man are leading de women astray.
But I say, please listen when i say she's
Smarter than the man in every way.
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter,
That’s right, that’s right
I was treating a girl independently,
She was makin' baby for me.
When de baby born and I went to see.
De eyes was blue, it was not by me.
And not me, but the people they say:
That de man are leading de women astray.
But I say, please listen when i say she's
Smarter than the man in every way.
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter,
That’s right, that’s right
Garden of Eden was very nice,
Adam never work in paradise.
Eve meet snake, paradise gone,
She make Adam work from that on.
And not me, but the people they say:
That de man are leading de women astray.
But I say, please listen when i say she's
Smarter than the man in every way.
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter,
That’s right, that’s right
Methusaleh spent all his life in tears
Lived without a woman for nine hundred years
One day he decided to have some fun
The poor man never lived to see nine hundred and one
And not me, but the people they say:
That de man are leading de women astray.
But I say, please listen when i say she's
Smarter than the man in every way.
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter
That’s right, de woman is uh smarter,
That’s right, that’s right
If You had just a year left to live?
I took this idea out of the January 2007 edition of Reader's Digest. 10 ways to discover a new you. This was in 'Reflect' and it stuck out the most. It struck me quite musingly, what would you do if you had a just a year to live? What would I do i had just a year to live? Let's look at this from an idealistic, I'm not going to die from a disease or something in 1 year, but just that 365.25 days from now, I will get called home to the Lord. Snap, just like that. What would I do?
I guess most people would start writing up lists of priorities, which fantasies to give up, which fantasies to fulfill. So the first thing I though of was, with one year to live, i could give up my dreams of med school, but I still have one year to get to know 'Estella' better. I doubt I'll meet with much resistance, after all, who would not be sympathetic to the wishes of the terminal. But I don't know, really would that help. One year, I wonder what I'd gain, what she'd gain? It would be really spiritual gain. Although, there is a chance stuff might not happen, after all, I don't really know who I would tell I'm gonna be around for such a period. I'm so secretive that way.
Of course, I get the feeling a lot of men and some women would start making up lists of people they'd like to have a go with. Then I thought, why waste my time trying to catch stds. I guess, I won't get a chance to experience that sort of thing, but I do believe in it post-marital and I do believe in chastity. Laugh away if you may, but I shall keep my morals. So in place of that, I thought of maybe a list of people i'd like to have a go with...for a long discussion on the philosophies or life or just to talk nonsensical and wisecrack about the world and Jimmy's disposition. I'm not going to put the list here, it is quite extensive, from celebrities to people in school i know by name or face.
Then of course, there's a lot of books that I hope can finish reading. I'd like to get fit enough to play a match as In-center and I know that match might be my last, but it'd be the best too. Then there's also getting a band and singing at concert. That would rock, singing my own written songs to music. Too bad, I'd only get a year, i'd never get to learn to play Lizst's La Campanella. It's so sad, I know realize looking at a year in perspective to living, there are too many things i want to do and there is too little time to do it all.
Time has all intangled in it's suffering web, enslaved to the clock and hours of the day. Makes you wonder how you're truely going to make the best use of it. I wish I could spend most of my time doing things that make me feel whole and warm inside, those include laughing and hanging around friends, the warmth and comfort just fuel my soul. Though hanging withe computer brings long leases of emptiness. I once theoried that the PC is a giant uninspirational thing, it steals from your imagination and you run on it expecting entertainment, which it doesn't give. It makes the brain lazy. I still find i get the least amount of homework done around the computer.
Thankfully, I don't have one year to live. I still have time to do what i want to do and more importantly. I still have time to get to know the Chimney and somehow force my grades into medschool. So I guess with time on my side, I'll just have to do it. That's what time's for init. What would you do then if you had but a year? Puts life into perspective dunit..
I guess most people would start writing up lists of priorities, which fantasies to give up, which fantasies to fulfill. So the first thing I though of was, with one year to live, i could give up my dreams of med school, but I still have one year to get to know 'Estella' better. I doubt I'll meet with much resistance, after all, who would not be sympathetic to the wishes of the terminal. But I don't know, really would that help. One year, I wonder what I'd gain, what she'd gain? It would be really spiritual gain. Although, there is a chance stuff might not happen, after all, I don't really know who I would tell I'm gonna be around for such a period. I'm so secretive that way.
Of course, I get the feeling a lot of men and some women would start making up lists of people they'd like to have a go with. Then I thought, why waste my time trying to catch stds. I guess, I won't get a chance to experience that sort of thing, but I do believe in it post-marital and I do believe in chastity. Laugh away if you may, but I shall keep my morals. So in place of that, I thought of maybe a list of people i'd like to have a go with...for a long discussion on the philosophies or life or just to talk nonsensical and wisecrack about the world and Jimmy's disposition. I'm not going to put the list here, it is quite extensive, from celebrities to people in school i know by name or face.
Then of course, there's a lot of books that I hope can finish reading. I'd like to get fit enough to play a match as In-center and I know that match might be my last, but it'd be the best too. Then there's also getting a band and singing at concert. That would rock, singing my own written songs to music. Too bad, I'd only get a year, i'd never get to learn to play Lizst's La Campanella. It's so sad, I know realize looking at a year in perspective to living, there are too many things i want to do and there is too little time to do it all.
Time has all intangled in it's suffering web, enslaved to the clock and hours of the day. Makes you wonder how you're truely going to make the best use of it. I wish I could spend most of my time doing things that make me feel whole and warm inside, those include laughing and hanging around friends, the warmth and comfort just fuel my soul. Though hanging withe computer brings long leases of emptiness. I once theoried that the PC is a giant uninspirational thing, it steals from your imagination and you run on it expecting entertainment, which it doesn't give. It makes the brain lazy. I still find i get the least amount of homework done around the computer.
Thankfully, I don't have one year to live. I still have time to do what i want to do and more importantly. I still have time to get to know the Chimney and somehow force my grades into medschool. So I guess with time on my side, I'll just have to do it. That's what time's for init. What would you do then if you had but a year? Puts life into perspective dunit..
Nothing Beats A Party
Party @ club Ignatius y'all.
Nothing like redefining your clubbing experience.
Be there or be so totally out of it.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Monday, July 16, 2007
missing: her special smile.
I just came home from a horrible day. It's especially horrid, since i made it horrid. My alarm didn't go off, I woke up late, and almost nearly missed the door on my injured leg. I think it's worse now. Slept through the entire council invest. I don't like council anyway. Wasted my day through lectures and stuff. Gah, i realized i'm still in pain from exams, I'm forcing myself into school everyone morning not because i want to learn, like the start of the year, but cause i'm hoping for opportunities to move on. I was such a bad boy today, i practically gave everyone attitude and i don't actually laughed at all today.): what's wrong with me?
Did i really make the wrong choice in coming to ac? Would i have been better off with my friends, my family in cj? I made such stupid excuses, oh, they'd be a level above me, i wouldn't get a chance to hang out with them. God, it sounds so riddiculus now. I should have listend to them. Or shouldn't I? I feel like Pip, so many great expectations, that don't go the way we want it. ACJC is my London, the ruggers my Drummle. But, where's my Herbert? Where is my dear sweet Herbert? I don't see how Pip could have survived Drummle without herbert, but to deal with the likes of morons like daryl weeming everyday. It's getting boring. Really boring. Then I have my Estella. Estella in acjc however isn't a cold person, in fact she's probably nothing like Estella except for her beauty and dislike of pip. I wish i'd never met her. (or do i?)
I'm getting blindsided by my results, completely lost track of time and i've forgotten about my upcoming tests. Why have i fallen so far? I hate that my life really only exists outside of the school i have chosen, the place I spend more than half of my day. I hate that my friends are littered so sparsely in my life that to have many of them around me at once to just loll about is so rare. I haven't hung out with a large group of friends probably since my Birthday (work doesn't count). I hate that i can't drown my feelings, i can't kill them, destroy them or burn them. I hate that I can be myself in school, school which feels so distant, faraway, so strange and awkward to venture each day.
I wonder what'll happen tomorrow.
Did i really make the wrong choice in coming to ac? Would i have been better off with my friends, my family in cj? I made such stupid excuses, oh, they'd be a level above me, i wouldn't get a chance to hang out with them. God, it sounds so riddiculus now. I should have listend to them. Or shouldn't I? I feel like Pip, so many great expectations, that don't go the way we want it. ACJC is my London, the ruggers my Drummle. But, where's my Herbert? Where is my dear sweet Herbert? I don't see how Pip could have survived Drummle without herbert, but to deal with the likes of morons like daryl weeming everyday. It's getting boring. Really boring. Then I have my Estella. Estella in acjc however isn't a cold person, in fact she's probably nothing like Estella except for her beauty and dislike of pip. I wish i'd never met her. (or do i?)
I'm getting blindsided by my results, completely lost track of time and i've forgotten about my upcoming tests. Why have i fallen so far? I hate that my life really only exists outside of the school i have chosen, the place I spend more than half of my day. I hate that my friends are littered so sparsely in my life that to have many of them around me at once to just loll about is so rare. I haven't hung out with a large group of friends probably since my Birthday (work doesn't count). I hate that i can't drown my feelings, i can't kill them, destroy them or burn them. I hate that I can be myself in school, school which feels so distant, faraway, so strange and awkward to venture each day.
I wonder what'll happen tomorrow.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Arabian Nights
Oh I come from a land, from a faraway place
Where the caravan camels roam
Where it's flat and immense
And the heat is intense
It's barbaric, but hey, it's home
When the wind's from the east
And the sun's from the west
And the sand in the glass is right
Come on down
Stop on by
Hop a carpet and fly
To another Arabian night
Arabian nights
Like Arabian days
More often than not
Are hotter than hot
In a lot of good ways
Arabian nights
'Neath Arabian moons
A fool off his guard
Could fall and fall hard
Out there on the dunes
Follow me to a place where incredible feats
are routine every hour or so
Where enchantment runs rampant
gets wild in the streets
Open Sesame and here we go
Arabian Nights
like arabian days
They tease and excite
Take off and take flight
They shock and amaze
Arabian Nights
like arabian days
more often than not
are hotter than hot
in a lot of good ways.
Pack your shield, pack your sword
you won't ever get bored
Though get beaten or gored you might
C'mon down stop on by
hop a carpet and fly
to another Arabian Night.
Where the caravan camels roam
Where it's flat and immense
And the heat is intense
It's barbaric, but hey, it's home
When the wind's from the east
And the sun's from the west
And the sand in the glass is right
Come on down
Stop on by
Hop a carpet and fly
To another Arabian night
Arabian nights
Like Arabian days
More often than not
Are hotter than hot
In a lot of good ways
Arabian nights
'Neath Arabian moons
A fool off his guard
Could fall and fall hard
Out there on the dunes
Follow me to a place where incredible feats
are routine every hour or so
Where enchantment runs rampant
gets wild in the streets
Open Sesame and here we go
Arabian Nights
like arabian days
They tease and excite
Take off and take flight
They shock and amaze
Arabian Nights
like arabian days
more often than not
are hotter than hot
in a lot of good ways.
Pack your shield, pack your sword
you won't ever get bored
Though get beaten or gored you might
C'mon down stop on by
hop a carpet and fly
to another Arabian Night.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Delusions, deluded deluges granted.
Reading is inspirational. You just need to skim through a book, an article or some other person's blog to pick up on threads of thought that spur into action, whatever your creativity's ready to process. Of course at times, randomly banking on any such idea's just a dangerous whack in the bush. That doesn't matter. It's all about writing boys and girls. Just plain writing. Tonight's topic at this lovely time, in between frustrating summaries and moronic underlingings for gp is Confusion.
It's the pinacle of adolscent woes i must say. The older folk blame it on the hormones. Of course there's also that sudden maturing of your cognitive processing and reasoning. Suddenly the world's smaller, suddenly it's a whole lot bigger all of a sudden. Information is just boring in through newly discovered feelings, emotions and experiences. Things that never happened to teams before. That's why teenagers like to experiment. All about discovery, after all sometimes can't be described with words of pictures or sounds. It's all a very personal custom experience, to each his own world as intepreted by the brain.
It's the discovery that leads to this confusion. Like any creative scratching, new ideas and thoughts just pour in, uncontrolled, unfacillitated. The naivety of it all leads to just plain shock, surprise, awe or whatever it could be. It presents with to options, to persue or to flee. This is where confusion sets in. Lack of guidance or the advice from inexperience leads even the most ineffectual thinkers to stop and wonder and what to do.
The situation usually varies in profoundness, ranging from meagre things like which school to enroll, in, what shoe shop to visit, where to eat, to other things like relationships and friendships and of course the most annoying being love. The confusion itself is usually a simple dilemma from an outsider's perspective. It's easy to see the most obvious choices, the most obvious answers, and the most obvious results of the choice. It's difficult for people to consider the bloody complications reguarding the choices, the safe status quo which everyone encircles themselves in. They take comfort, hiding away, breaking it would lead to the unknown and it's dangerous, unless you're able to control it. Which, precisely, is what confusion is not.
Love in an adolscent's life is more confusing than in an adult's life. Love is always confusing (that annoys me greatly). It's confusing to the point only a child can truely sum it up in five words. The rest of the world will require a thesis to truely express what love means to them. Well it annoys me. I wonder what my confusion is. I looked at it from the outside, it's simple dilemma, simple problem, simple solution. Two answers. And from there life goes on. Honestly, given the stagnancy of the damn situation, either answer's fine. Outright, honest answers and i could get on with my life without having a muse in my head to conjure deep depressive moodswings.
But I'm scared of rejection. Strangely, i've been rejected all my life. No congenital abnormalities:reject->adhd, normal educational period:reject->welcome the j3 taking j1. 4h2s:reject -> bad class. But heck i took all that. Why am i scared of personal rejection? People reject all the time, it happens a lot in school, it happens MOSTLY in school. Maybe it's a status quo, maybe it's not. see what confusion does to someone on such a simple fearless choice. All this self-justification goes for naught.
Justification of the confusion just makes it worse, it's a procrastination. You second guess yourself, then you fail and you justify the failure. Most people don't consider process. Most of the time the process in confusion is moot. In the end, i guess you choose what you want to accept and what you don't. Whether to loll around in confused state, or move on and find new heights or new sights.
Hopefully, i'll get my chance to destroy all my social status quos. I just need to find a bunch of friends in this judgemental society of prim and proud morons that are able just be their retarded selves. We're all retarded, just gotta accept that.Retarded schools are cool.
It's the pinacle of adolscent woes i must say. The older folk blame it on the hormones. Of course there's also that sudden maturing of your cognitive processing and reasoning. Suddenly the world's smaller, suddenly it's a whole lot bigger all of a sudden. Information is just boring in through newly discovered feelings, emotions and experiences. Things that never happened to teams before. That's why teenagers like to experiment. All about discovery, after all sometimes can't be described with words of pictures or sounds. It's all a very personal custom experience, to each his own world as intepreted by the brain.
It's the discovery that leads to this confusion. Like any creative scratching, new ideas and thoughts just pour in, uncontrolled, unfacillitated. The naivety of it all leads to just plain shock, surprise, awe or whatever it could be. It presents with to options, to persue or to flee. This is where confusion sets in. Lack of guidance or the advice from inexperience leads even the most ineffectual thinkers to stop and wonder and what to do.
The situation usually varies in profoundness, ranging from meagre things like which school to enroll, in, what shoe shop to visit, where to eat, to other things like relationships and friendships and of course the most annoying being love. The confusion itself is usually a simple dilemma from an outsider's perspective. It's easy to see the most obvious choices, the most obvious answers, and the most obvious results of the choice. It's difficult for people to consider the bloody complications reguarding the choices, the safe status quo which everyone encircles themselves in. They take comfort, hiding away, breaking it would lead to the unknown and it's dangerous, unless you're able to control it. Which, precisely, is what confusion is not.
Love in an adolscent's life is more confusing than in an adult's life. Love is always confusing (that annoys me greatly). It's confusing to the point only a child can truely sum it up in five words. The rest of the world will require a thesis to truely express what love means to them. Well it annoys me. I wonder what my confusion is. I looked at it from the outside, it's simple dilemma, simple problem, simple solution. Two answers. And from there life goes on. Honestly, given the stagnancy of the damn situation, either answer's fine. Outright, honest answers and i could get on with my life without having a muse in my head to conjure deep depressive moodswings.
But I'm scared of rejection. Strangely, i've been rejected all my life. No congenital abnormalities:reject->adhd, normal educational period:reject->welcome the j3 taking j1. 4h2s:reject -> bad class. But heck i took all that. Why am i scared of personal rejection? People reject all the time, it happens a lot in school, it happens MOSTLY in school. Maybe it's a status quo, maybe it's not. see what confusion does to someone on such a simple fearless choice. All this self-justification goes for naught.
Justification of the confusion just makes it worse, it's a procrastination. You second guess yourself, then you fail and you justify the failure. Most people don't consider process. Most of the time the process in confusion is moot. In the end, i guess you choose what you want to accept and what you don't. Whether to loll around in confused state, or move on and find new heights or new sights.
Hopefully, i'll get my chance to destroy all my social status quos. I just need to find a bunch of friends in this judgemental society of prim and proud morons that are able just be their retarded selves. We're all retarded, just gotta accept that.Retarded schools are cool.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
wheee...
okay enough with the emo-spree..
i feel slightly good today. cause i've been a good good boy (:
i returned my library books on time, more or less completed most of integration(on my own) and... and i am HOME for din dins XD
hahaha wheeeeeeeeee...
i wish i could be more carefree though, time to take some nice walks, alone or with company(much better) and see some scenery..
strangely somethings in school just amuse me.. most of them are awkward things.
blah..
anyway i'm done daoing you.. it's pretty stupid. sorry.
i feel slightly good today. cause i've been a good good boy (:
i returned my library books on time, more or less completed most of integration(on my own) and... and i am HOME for din dins XD
hahaha wheeeeeeeeee...
i wish i could be more carefree though, time to take some nice walks, alone or with company(much better) and see some scenery..
strangely somethings in school just amuse me.. most of them are awkward things.
blah..
anyway i'm done daoing you.. it's pretty stupid. sorry.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
The mob song
Gaston:
Forget the old man, I say we kill the Beast!
Mob:
Kill him!
Man 1:
We're not safe until he's dead
Man 2:
He'll come stalking us at night
Woman:
Set to sacrifice our children to his monstrous appetite
Man 3:
He'll wreak havoc on our village if we let him wander free
Gaston:
So it's time to take some action, boys
It's time to follow me
Through the mist, through the woods
Through the darkness and the shadows
It's a nightmare but it's one exciting ride
Say a prayer, then we're there
At the drawbridge of a castle
And there's something truly terrible inside
It's a beast! He's got fangs
Razor sharp ones!
Massive paws, killer claws for the feast
Hear him roar! See him foam!
But we're not coming home 'til he's dead--
Good and dead!
Kill the Beast!
sometimes i wonder if she plays this song and sees me as the beast. so ugly, so unrefined. disgust. i wonder where she'll find her gaston.
Forget the old man, I say we kill the Beast!
Mob:
Kill him!
Man 1:
We're not safe until he's dead
Man 2:
He'll come stalking us at night
Woman:
Set to sacrifice our children to his monstrous appetite
Man 3:
He'll wreak havoc on our village if we let him wander free
Gaston:
So it's time to take some action, boys
It's time to follow me
Through the mist, through the woods
Through the darkness and the shadows
It's a nightmare but it's one exciting ride
Say a prayer, then we're there
At the drawbridge of a castle
And there's something truly terrible inside
It's a beast! He's got fangs
Razor sharp ones!
Massive paws, killer claws for the feast
Hear him roar! See him foam!
But we're not coming home 'til he's dead--
Good and dead!
Kill the Beast!
sometimes i wonder if she plays this song and sees me as the beast. so ugly, so unrefined. disgust. i wonder where she'll find her gaston.
Monday, July 09, 2007
asylum
song: maonday, monday [mamas and papas]
Monday Monday, so good to me,
Monday Monday, it was all I hoped it would be
Oh Monday morning, Monday morning couldn't guarantee
That Monday evening you would still be here with me.
Monday Monday, can't trust that day,
Monday Monday, sometimes it just turns out that way
Oh Monday morning, you gave me no warning of what was to be
Oh Monday Monday, how yould cou leave and not take me.
Every other day, every other day,
Every other day of the week is fine, yeah
But whenever Monday comes, but whenever Monday comes
You can find me cryin' all of the time
Monday Monday, so good to me,
Monday Monday, it was all I hoped it would be
Oh Monday morning, Monday morning couldn't guarantee
That Monday evening you would still be here with me.
Every other day, every other day,
Every other day of the week is fine, yeah
But whenever Monday comes, but whenever Monday comes
You can find me cryin' all of the time
Monday Monday, ...
Ever felt like mondays are horribly? Like garfield kinda horrible. Of course the little plump feline gets off easy, Lasagne day is on monday. 'least he gets consolation pasta. the rest of the miserable world goes home to bed and hopefully a good night's sleep. I got back gp and math and clb today. Fail. Fail. Fail. Gah, i've never had such a bad exam run before for exams where i really prepared for. Bad day. "every other day, every other day of the week is fine.."
oh monday , monday..
though i got a five and a half for my application question for GP. I guess a slice of lasagne is good. Guess i can't have the cake and eat it. Yet anyway. always room to pick yourself up and improve and get better.
In that sense, anyone who says that i'm happy probably has no idea what's going on inside the flesh. I'm far from content. I remember an episode House, where a mother, temporarily killed her baby, cause she had some disease and now has cancer and is refusing treatment. Foreman chides House and House shoots him down, telling him to go persuade that 'everyday is a blessing' but points out how he doesn't believe it anymore. House goes on to say that 'if we were all satisfied with what we have, what a beautiful world it would be? we'd all slowly starve to death in our own filth, but we'd be happy.'
it makes me wonder, how content we are in life, the more stagnant we stay. I look at a lot of my friends, they're happy just to learn the bare neccessities of every topic, what let's them just pass. They chastise me for taking it up a notch, at every level to understand and know and reiterate. I guess that's what separates the A students in the top classes from those in the sports classes. It's why the D students wonder why the A students complain about getting a B and 3 other As.. It's that careless mistake that pisses them off. They don't understand. They won't.
Though being uncontent with life has many many of it's on dilemmas. I wake up every day chasing questions I couldn't answer yesterday, hunting for solutions for unsolved puzzles. Watching people, improving my deducing skills, descriptive skills and observational skills. I extend my range of knowledge reading as many things as i can. I stick out like a sore thumb in a world of content people. After a while it gets to you. You become miserable. Curiousity kills, not in the way you think it does.
Try it. Be unhappy for an entire week. Unhappy with your situation in life, trying to make it all better, searching for perfection. You'll be miserable too, then you'd realize that everything that you do matters. Everything that anyone does matters, it's important, even the slightest little deviation from normalcy. Then you start to see patterns, start to question laws and theories, start to question everything. Pity if you have robotic teachers or superiors.
Can you take the heat?
Maybe at the end, you can join me and foreman, testing our memories, pushing the extremes.
Monday Monday, so good to me,
Monday Monday, it was all I hoped it would be
Oh Monday morning, Monday morning couldn't guarantee
That Monday evening you would still be here with me.
Monday Monday, can't trust that day,
Monday Monday, sometimes it just turns out that way
Oh Monday morning, you gave me no warning of what was to be
Oh Monday Monday, how yould cou leave and not take me.
Every other day, every other day,
Every other day of the week is fine, yeah
But whenever Monday comes, but whenever Monday comes
You can find me cryin' all of the time
Monday Monday, so good to me,
Monday Monday, it was all I hoped it would be
Oh Monday morning, Monday morning couldn't guarantee
That Monday evening you would still be here with me.
Every other day, every other day,
Every other day of the week is fine, yeah
But whenever Monday comes, but whenever Monday comes
You can find me cryin' all of the time
Monday Monday, ...
Ever felt like mondays are horribly? Like garfield kinda horrible. Of course the little plump feline gets off easy, Lasagne day is on monday. 'least he gets consolation pasta. the rest of the miserable world goes home to bed and hopefully a good night's sleep. I got back gp and math and clb today. Fail. Fail. Fail. Gah, i've never had such a bad exam run before for exams where i really prepared for. Bad day. "every other day, every other day of the week is fine.."
oh monday , monday..
though i got a five and a half for my application question for GP. I guess a slice of lasagne is good. Guess i can't have the cake and eat it. Yet anyway. always room to pick yourself up and improve and get better.
In that sense, anyone who says that i'm happy probably has no idea what's going on inside the flesh. I'm far from content. I remember an episode House, where a mother, temporarily killed her baby, cause she had some disease and now has cancer and is refusing treatment. Foreman chides House and House shoots him down, telling him to go persuade that 'everyday is a blessing' but points out how he doesn't believe it anymore. House goes on to say that 'if we were all satisfied with what we have, what a beautiful world it would be? we'd all slowly starve to death in our own filth, but we'd be happy.'
it makes me wonder, how content we are in life, the more stagnant we stay. I look at a lot of my friends, they're happy just to learn the bare neccessities of every topic, what let's them just pass. They chastise me for taking it up a notch, at every level to understand and know and reiterate. I guess that's what separates the A students in the top classes from those in the sports classes. It's why the D students wonder why the A students complain about getting a B and 3 other As.. It's that careless mistake that pisses them off. They don't understand. They won't.
Though being uncontent with life has many many of it's on dilemmas. I wake up every day chasing questions I couldn't answer yesterday, hunting for solutions for unsolved puzzles. Watching people, improving my deducing skills, descriptive skills and observational skills. I extend my range of knowledge reading as many things as i can. I stick out like a sore thumb in a world of content people. After a while it gets to you. You become miserable. Curiousity kills, not in the way you think it does.
Try it. Be unhappy for an entire week. Unhappy with your situation in life, trying to make it all better, searching for perfection. You'll be miserable too, then you'd realize that everything that you do matters. Everything that anyone does matters, it's important, even the slightest little deviation from normalcy. Then you start to see patterns, start to question laws and theories, start to question everything. Pity if you have robotic teachers or superiors.
Can you take the heat?
Maybe at the end, you can join me and foreman, testing our memories, pushing the extremes.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
ouch.
song:Smoothie King [Bowling For Soup]
ANNOYING people drove the buses today.
Okay kids, lemme tell you a story.. gather round, sit a circle, and stop poking out jimmy's eye sammy. This story begins at ten past six when our boy, David, was walking to the bus station. He was tired from a gruelling day's school with stupid teachers and a pe session with 100 meters worth of lunges. As he rounded the corner of the sidewalk, his bus came out of nowhere, zooming to the bus stop. Quickly calling upon the council of his companions, he made a break for it, dashing to toward the bus stop.
Fortunately, there were many people boarding the bus, so by some quick deliberation, he slowed down, until he released the bus doors were closing, he sprinted up behind the bus stop and caught the bus before it had left the bay. Knocking on the door of the bus, he caught a glimpse of the driver. Not more than five foot seven, weighing at 160 pounds, in his mid forties, the chinese bus driver with his backcombed hair and white gloves flashed his uncaring countenance upon our boy. His cold dead eyes showed no interest in allowing David to board. No, instead of doing the right thing, like chinese people do, he decided to take the next gap in traffic riding off into the dusty horizon. Muttering curses of painful deaths and tortures summed up in the word 'fuck' under his breath, David's painful bashful dilemma was made worse by the sudden presence of schoolmates enjoying his amusing predicament. She was among them..
Such fate that draws us upon each other.
I hope you enjoyed this amusing story. I certainly have.
what a way to end your day and lost all dignity infront of well... people you were once upon a time trying to impress..arrrgh. stupid bus drivers. blah.. okay it was quite hilarious. I'm still laughing, just like that time this bus drove too close to the curb and boxed my ears with the side mirror.
Guess i'm just not meant to impress. oh well...like the song says..
Love songs suck and fairy tales aren’t true (Love songs make me sick cuz they’re not true)
And happy ending Hollywood is not for me and you
Hollywood California
So add it up and break it down (add it up and break it down)
It’s not that hard to figure out
Your crazy and I’m crazy about you
ANNOYING people drove the buses today.
Okay kids, lemme tell you a story.. gather round, sit a circle, and stop poking out jimmy's eye sammy. This story begins at ten past six when our boy, David, was walking to the bus station. He was tired from a gruelling day's school with stupid teachers and a pe session with 100 meters worth of lunges. As he rounded the corner of the sidewalk, his bus came out of nowhere, zooming to the bus stop. Quickly calling upon the council of his companions, he made a break for it, dashing to toward the bus stop.
Fortunately, there were many people boarding the bus, so by some quick deliberation, he slowed down, until he released the bus doors were closing, he sprinted up behind the bus stop and caught the bus before it had left the bay. Knocking on the door of the bus, he caught a glimpse of the driver. Not more than five foot seven, weighing at 160 pounds, in his mid forties, the chinese bus driver with his backcombed hair and white gloves flashed his uncaring countenance upon our boy. His cold dead eyes showed no interest in allowing David to board. No, instead of doing the right thing, like chinese people do, he decided to take the next gap in traffic riding off into the dusty horizon. Muttering curses of painful deaths and tortures summed up in the word 'fuck' under his breath, David's painful bashful dilemma was made worse by the sudden presence of schoolmates enjoying his amusing predicament. She was among them..
Such fate that draws us upon each other.
I hope you enjoyed this amusing story. I certainly have.
what a way to end your day and lost all dignity infront of well... people you were once upon a time trying to impress..arrrgh. stupid bus drivers. blah.. okay it was quite hilarious. I'm still laughing, just like that time this bus drove too close to the curb and boxed my ears with the side mirror.
Guess i'm just not meant to impress. oh well...like the song says..
Love songs suck and fairy tales aren’t true (Love songs make me sick cuz they’re not true)
And happy ending Hollywood is not for me and you
Hollywood California
So add it up and break it down (add it up and break it down)
It’s not that hard to figure out
Your crazy and I’m crazy about you
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
so here we are again.
singing in my head: when you say you love me [mr. groban, ladies and gents]
oh how love songs suck and fairy tales aren't true. Such a sordid affair..gahhh..
ah well. The one reason i'm playing this song, and apart from the fact that it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand with it's really lovely and meaningful lyrics; and apart from secretly wanting to be able to sing this to someone one day, secretly so shush, is that I finally got my range back today. Yup that's right, i can resonate from an f2 to a a4 again. Well A4 on a super good day. Still not confident with me G4 but i can sing phantom, and that counts! Now i need to work on sustaining and adding more support and that elusive vibratto.. Wheee..
geez i got a friend who can whack c5..with a scream and c6...damn and he's a guy..well it's screaming though.. but damn his range is nice..haha.
Anyway, the other day i was at queenstown scratching for new ideas for photos and i was block 181 stirling.. that's were the murder was committed. I only found out when i got home and scanned through the papers. Shock of surreal shocks. No wonder no kids were at the many playgrounds littered and strewn across queenstown. or maybe it was too hot. or they were studying.. poor singaporean kids. either way i went back the next day cause i had to see it again for myself.. and i explored a bit more and well the playgrounds are still desserted..sadly, except for one where a bunch of deliquent teens were smoking in their school Us. Gosh... can't they let the poor kiddies enjoy their evening running around and slidding off things.
aw well don't really have a point to this post..
just still a bit jittered from chem results. ARRRGH. stupid teacher. i hate it when people talk to me like they know me inside out or know what's best for me and make assumptions without knowing anything.
Tomorrow will be a more charming and better day (:
oh how love songs suck and fairy tales aren't true. Such a sordid affair..gahhh..
ah well. The one reason i'm playing this song, and apart from the fact that it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand with it's really lovely and meaningful lyrics; and apart from secretly wanting to be able to sing this to someone one day, secretly so shush, is that I finally got my range back today. Yup that's right, i can resonate from an f2 to a a4 again. Well A4 on a super good day. Still not confident with me G4 but i can sing phantom, and that counts! Now i need to work on sustaining and adding more support and that elusive vibratto.. Wheee..
geez i got a friend who can whack c5..with a scream and c6...damn and he's a guy..well it's screaming though.. but damn his range is nice..haha.
Anyway, the other day i was at queenstown scratching for new ideas for photos and i was block 181 stirling.. that's were the murder was committed. I only found out when i got home and scanned through the papers. Shock of surreal shocks. No wonder no kids were at the many playgrounds littered and strewn across queenstown. or maybe it was too hot. or they were studying.. poor singaporean kids. either way i went back the next day cause i had to see it again for myself.. and i explored a bit more and well the playgrounds are still desserted..sadly, except for one where a bunch of deliquent teens were smoking in their school Us. Gosh... can't they let the poor kiddies enjoy their evening running around and slidding off things.
aw well don't really have a point to this post..
just still a bit jittered from chem results. ARRRGH. stupid teacher. i hate it when people talk to me like they know me inside out or know what's best for me and make assumptions without knowing anything.
Tomorrow will be a more charming and better day (:
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
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