Life fades.

I am stuck in a system. A most heinous system, one that ticks uniformly like a clock. I am stuck here like a square piece being pushed through a circular hole, my entire life is on hold. And as I wait, I watch the other people go through other doors, fitting so perfectly and walking around out side. Why do they get to fly?

It shouldn't bother me, I'm stuck. Just stuck here. I can't go anywhere, or do anything and time doesn't permit me to back track. Though the system has a mean ticker going tick tock tick tock. Counting down days till the doors shut. I don't have much time life I reckon, 17 days or 50 days, what does it matter? I'll still be stuck.

It perplexes me so, why You should let me be stuck here all alone? I can't find it out some days. I know You let me come here. I know I need to be here to do the things to get to the place that I need to be. Yet why now, why here, why this place? Why did you let all my friends go away? Why does it have to be this way?

Somedays I wreck my brains and try to figure out why. Sometimes its just so hard to take. I wish I could just do what You say, I wish I wouldn't get angry and question and stray. After all, I cannot know all, no matter how much I try, even with all the books in the world, what You know I won't ever find. Yet, its difficult, so hard sometimes to push on, to do things your way. I fail and fall and topple, lapse and relapse, and fail some more. I think the worst part is when I wonder if you're even there.

Sometimes its difficult, and I feel so dry inside. I wish I wouldn't, because it doesn't seem right. But You always know. You have planned everything so nicely haven't You? I just hope that I will follow Your way. This I pray.