Parables

The parable of the talents. Essentially, three servants were granted charge of varying amounts of talents, that was a form of currency in those days, and with their various talents, they each invested them in a certain way. The first two invested them and made great returns and the were praised by the master and given more to be responsible over. The last invested foolishly in the ground, and was chastised greatly for not even earning interest over the money in a bank Summarily put, God gives everyone gifts and to not use them or recognise them is a bad thing, and if we use them he will give us more. So in a way, overachievers are the first two servants, and the rest of us are the last fellow.

I always thought that I was one of the first two servant type people, but then when I think about it now I realize I've always been the last. I've led a very fortunate life thus far, and it has been filled with all sorts of experiences. Unfortunately I also have a lot of regrets. Who doesn't? I guess its also unfortunate that my logical analysing brain cannot keep its self-reflections from speculating upon what life would have been if I had made different choices.

Let me explain: right now I have some really big regrets. I regret not taking up rugby when I was nine and had the opportunity pass under my face, I regret not exposing myself to more music when I was younger and from persevering with my piano, I regret not taking a more proactive role in school.

For the first one, I only took up rugby in jc at the age of 18. 5 years after most local players pick it up, 12 years after most international players first touched an odd shaped ball. Had I taken up the sport early, I would have loved it and I would probably be playing a position that I could really put my logician's brain to rather than pushing the scrum. I would have had more than a decade's experience in the game now and I would be enjoying my rugby on a whole new level. I could have done many many things and have become many other things. Similarly I regret not taking sports seriously when I was young and now I am repaying that choice. I'm fat and slow. Retrospectively I know myself and I know I would have worked hard for it. I had the genes for it that I know. I grew tall and muscular without much effort. ADHD provided the energy and impulsivity to do crazy things.

For the second, I dropped out of music while i was practicing for grade 3 or 4. I was ten. A great pity that I led a stupid impulse drop what would become a giantic part of my life. As with most ecentric famous people that I know, I cannot survive without music. It is both solace and inspiration. How I wished during my major exams that when I needed a break from the practicing I could have just plopped down on the bench and played one or two Chopin's nocturnes or Beethoven's sonatas. I also recently realized I probably have sound -> colour synaesthesia. It just dawns on me that if I had kept music a bit longer I would have liked it, and I would practiced even harder and exposed myself to a lot more. Again I could be enjoying on a whole new level. Now I am merely learning basics and probably will not be able to ascend very far. Again, I had the opportunity, both sides of my family are musical.

And finally the third. I am a natural leader. I don't know if its being the first born, or just the lingering hunter's genes desire for excitement in the workplace by taking on more responsibility. Whatever the case may be, I command presence, people listen when I talk and most of the time they are willing to follow. During my recent adolescence, I was the one who usually organized the outings when I wanted to go out with my friends, I enjoyed that role. Its a pity that I ignored when it came to serious things like school. I could have made a difference instead of being just one herring in the sea of other white and blue herrings. I always had an opinion and many ideas to go along with that I know I would have, I could have, I didn't.

In each three cases, the element of choice is clearly present, as well the potentiality. Clearly a case of burying talents. However, God is a merciful master and thankfully will not as of yet like the last servant in the story through me out into darkness where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth. Well that or I haven't squandered all my remaing talents yet. Also I think, that well I may missed out on opportunities to be the best that I can, there is still a long way to go in my life, a lot more opportunities for me to use my talents. In rugby, I just won't be the center, I'll be the rampaging prop that gives centers some terror, and one way day, with enough determination, I will play La Campanella, and I will do some good in som community with my leadership skills.

It is for this that I can say I am thankful for. I had the opportunity to realize that I do have some talents buried, and I still have to time; in accord with them metaphor; to invest these wisely and hope that more will be given to me. I'm sad though that many people still remain as the last servant is. I know so many people who if they just tried would probably be able to do something they've never even dreamed off. I wonder what it takes to lead a regretless life... I pray that God will help me.

vicissitudal year

I need to stop getting injured. I've been injured so many times in a year before. I think its the bloody army. I've managed to mangle my other ankle. It was perfect timing really, about thiry minutes into training. I spent the rest of the time on the sidelines wishing my ankle would stop hurting so I could abuse the rest of my unfit body.

Well, the good side is that I got some substantial recovery time from the doctor, the down side is that I also got some real substantial recovery time from my ankle. Gotta wait another six weeks for it to heal, hopefully in time for season. The whole thing ballooned up this morning when i woke up and tried to walk out of bed. I wonder if it would've hurt less if there wasn't 110kg balancing on it.

I'm also rather curious about the young physicians here. It amazing how they will address you in such a saccharine patronizing tone, its as though they're trying to give you caries and at the same time dispense pharmaceuticals. Either that or they believe that every patient they see is, regardless of their age (and oh so many of them looked so senior that it might be their last visit), below the age of ten, and therefore have to be talked to like spawnlings with a slight falsetto. Its fascinating how children, or at least smart children hate to be talked to in that way in the first place. Quaint place the clinic is.

I need to get back in the game! I hate my ankles.