Trials

There are many trials that besiege my life. I pray that God grant me patience to deal with them slowly and carefully.

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd;

- Alexander Pope

i wonder what is it that draws specific chemical pathways to fire those particular neurons within my sordid brain. a constant reminder, a picture, a picture, your visage forever in my head. task insurmountable, unattainable, unachievable. I miss you a lot, but i don't think you'd ever appreciate that.

Prayers please!

I got rejected by one more university from the UK today. Three down, one to go. My fingers are tightly crossed. I'm getting rather desperate at this point.

Slow night.

It is a very slow night for me. Barely half past twelve and I am already drifting off to sleep. The essay on selfish mothers is half done and will probably need editing, but I promise you will read it by the end of the week. I am still musing about this evening's conversations with Morgan and Till and I cannot wait to go to medical school.

Misanthropic much?

Names are not imporant, only that the creature is an organic life-form capable of the highest order of neurological function. Creature comprises mostly of protein structures called 'meat', and also exhibits respiratory, cardiovascular and other functions, and as well as contains approximately 206 bones and is prone to constant mechanical failure. Creature also possesses emotional capabilities and which is theorized as the fault for constant neurological dysfunction and psychiatrical failure. Such symptoms, humourously, are misattributed by the creature to stem from their fluid pump located in the cavity of their upper thorax between their weak ballast tanks.

Creature is weak and pathetic, and extremely prone to impulsive and rash behaviour that results in mass extermination of their own kind, often by their own doing. In comparison to neighbouring fauna, creature is significantly physically weaker and slower and far less adept at camouflaging into their environment. However, it must be noted that creature possesses far greater intellectual prowess as compared to neighbouring fauna. Results, however, are skewed by creatures inhabiting a sub-continent flanked by the locally named Alantic and Pacific Oceans. Results were also skewed by other creatures in other habitats, though a far less significant amount.

Conclusion. It is with great amazement that the creature has managed to thrive and produce viable offspring until this point. However, the creature does not demonstrate capabilities of prolonging this struggle further. Recommendation: Artificially accelerated extinction.

--End Transmission--

Equally important a realisation is not to blog when you're three quarters asleep. I edited the previous post at least three times to correct horrid phrasing and bad grammar.

Irony

My life is fraught with irony. I have come to realize that despite my loyalty and love for ACS, the majority of the girls I've ever considered seriously going out with were from Raffles. That's 3 out 4.

Late Night ramblings

Last night, in a successful procrastination bid on my work, the little insurgent devils of distraction made me watch two movies, The NeverEnding Story and Stardust. Both are movies of fantasy, where the protagonist finds himself reluctantly dragged into other worlds, and as with all tales of fiction, working against the odds to save the day.

The NeverEnding Story is a movie that all must watch. A little boy finds himself the possession of a magic book wherein his unknowing imagination controls the plot. The main theme of the loss of imagination is one shared with Toy Story 3, and evokes a strange fear of growing up. However, my ideas on dreams, imagination and true play shall be saved for another day. Those who have heard my theory know it is a rather lengthy one to explain. Today, I have other things to talk about.

Stardust is another movie that is worth watching. An adaption of Neil Gaiman’s novel of the same name, it explores the magic of love, particularly the magic that one comes across seeking it. Yet, what interests me is not so much the main theme, or even the main character, however but one of the secondary ones, Captain Shakespeare.

The beloved Captain carries with him a fearsome reputation, one built up over the years. Known to his men as a bloodthirsty, cruel and heroic leader, he is truly soft at heart and a gentleman. It is with this that I feel truly shows his fearsome heroism. He fakes the captured Tristan’s death to save his life and takes Yvaine to his chambers to keep her away from the crew. In doing so, he then reveals that he gained his reputation without ever ‘spilling a drop of blood’, a feat far more difficult to achieve. His reputation is one borne clearly of love and not a lust for power.

It is this same love that makes him a great hero in the movie. Love draws people to each other, binds one squarely on the world. It is far more powerful than greed, lust, power, or fear that one can come up with. It is far harder to lead with love than it is to govern with the might of fear. The Captain’s leadership is clearly juxtaposed to that of the Princes, particularly Septimus, who faces off with the Captain in one scene. Septimus lusts for power, and in doing so, as the movie ends, he loses everything, including his life. Locked in a sordid tradition of having to slay his brothers for the throne, as the movie proceeds he is slowly stripped of everything and everyone around him. First his last few remaining blood relatives are murdered, then his men, and finally he is killed by, drowned by the Witches. His lust for power consumes him.

In contrast, the Captain’s sole desire is to give as much as he can. A closet homosexual and cross-dresser, he is reputation is superficial. With love, he teaches Tristan to be a gentleman and protects Yvaine’s identity, keeping her safe from her seekers. His love for them translates into bravery, when even at the loss of his reputation and faced with Septimus’ sword, he keeps strongly to his silence, gaining them much time and distance. His actions reward him grandly. Despite being caught and hung out to try as a poofter, in the death of his reputation, he gains a new one, an even bigger greater one, for there is no mutiny from his crew, instead a far greater respect is forged between them and him and they promised to continue sailing under his command.

Captain Shakespeare is a true hero in the film and a clear reminder that the virtue of heroism is borne of love. One cannot commit acts of brave heroism without the foundation of love to fall back upon and to push one into the fire. It is what makes little people into great heroes.

A Promise

I have been far too lax in the upkeep of this weblog, so I shall endeavour to update it daily this year. They may not be full length posts, as is my usual longwindedness, however, may range from fleeting sentences to a paragraph to an essay. Twitter has become my temporal transient diary, so hopefully I shall not be posting too many transient musings here. You can follow my twitter at www.twitter.com/discthrower

Because you are alway on my mind.

Miles Away
Carol Ann Duffy

I want you and you are not here. I pause
in this garden, breathing the colour thought is
before language into still air. Even your name
is a pale ghost and, though I exhale it again
and again, it will not stay with me. Tonight
I make you up, imagine you, your movement clearer
than the words I have to you say you said before.

Wherever you are now, inside my head you fix me
with a look, standing here whilst cool late light
dissolves into the earth. I have got your mouth wrong,
but still it smiles. I hold you closer, miles away,
inventing love, until the calls of nightjars
interrupt and then what was to come, was certain,
into memory. The stars are filming us for no one.