Communication

I just watched the movie ‘Avatar’ and I realized how much technology has made a mess of the lines of communication. Don’t ask me how a bad two dimensional movie with largely unresolved superficial themes and negative plot developments, caricatures and almost zero substantial character development and nothing to link the story progressions leads to the idea of communication. It’s the ADHD addled brain. In the last ten years alone, the advent of cell phones and instant messaging has completely reformed the ways in which we separate ourselves from proper communication. They have become added layers to shield the communicants from that crucial humanness of a connection.

It used to be that you could pick up a phone when you were in bored disposition or looking for a conversation and you would most likely find one on the other end of the line. And that was just that. Now, phone calls either become professional or intimate. Professionally, all forms of communication are for the sake of getting work done, however on the other side in the realm of personal calls, they have become intimate things. If it’s between chums it’s alright, between a person of the opposite sex, she automatically assumes you have some ulterior motive. Whatever happened to just being friends?

Last time, you could just ring up the person strictly for a conversation and no one would go away assuming anything. It was just talking, like at a social gathering. Nowadays to get to that stage requires first spending much time talking over text messages. Text talking as you might call it. It’s horribly removed from humanity. The texts are just words that you read, secondary to the speech itself. 65% of all human communication is non-verbal, which leaves you the remaining 35%. If you applied those statistics to sight, you would be considered legally blind! Furthermore if you have ever examined a live speech vs text you will notice the great disparity in the amount of words used. A person talking has so much more tools at his disposal; he has tone, timing, rhythm, emphasis, onomatopoeia, emotion, and cadence. For him to indicate on a basal level say how much he abhorred a particular restaurant with great malice, he could probably just say ‘I hate this place!’ with much emotion and aggression, in a spiteful tone. As you can see, for me to explain how he might say those few words requires many more words than actually saying it. If he reproduced this over text verbatim, it wouldn’t really put the message across would it? The reader might probably pass it off as a passing comment.

Yet today, we are continually drawn to the allure of blindness. I think it is because we find safety in blindness, in the delayed responses. It is pitiful to think that spontaneous conversation and communication, what we were born with the ability to do, is so difficult that we prefer to hide behind a screen. The time it takes to reply and the time that passes between each reply can easily turn a fruitful ten minute conservation into a forty minute text conversation complete with misinterpretations. It is a small consolation for the attention we desire, not to mention it completely mutilates our normal conversational patterns. How many times have we waited by the phone for a reply that we could have gotten ten minutes ago with a phone call or added ‘haha’ to a text in order that it not be misinterpreted as a serious matter, or to indicate a teasing statement in order not to insult the receiving party? The use of ‘lol’ means I may find this amusing, but doesn’t actually mean the person is laughing… smileys fail to adequately convey the many degrees of expression we have. In fact if you cannot convey the emotions you are feeling through your vocabulary and sentence structure you may be required to return to school for English lessons. However that said, sometimes the reader too fails to interpret it, or curses such long text messages drawn out to highlight specifically the feelings of the sender.

Somehow, I am also curious as to why we desire to avoid the human voice, the sound is melodious to the ear (bearing that it doesn’t come from those we detest), the laughter, the joy, the tones of emotion add to life. So why do we avoid it? We crave these sounds, the desire for bonds and company. We built tribes and societies so we wouldn’t be alone yet in the concrete jungle we have inadvertently isolated ourselves more from the world than ever with the use of fiber-optic cables, routers and servers. What does mean for us in the future? We are people who hastily disconnecting ourselves internally as we connect externally. It’s quite a curious ironic thing isn’t it? If you have any explanations do email me.

And maybe if you want to talk to someone today, don’t text them. Pick up the phone, and indulge in their voice.

To be held accountable.

I need to get fit this year and to do that I really need to be accountable for my actions. So my 4 readers, no...3... COME BACK!!! well anyway my dear readers, I hope you don't mind if I post my progress here. I realized this today as I was completing my fitness at the gym, or I will have nothing to check myself.

Anyway this will probably come once a week.

Weight:113kg
2.4: 14:46 (OMG I have not been so slow since the start of BMT)
Bench: 90
Squat:
Deadlift:
Shouldpress:
100m:
pullups:

Some Goals for 2010

This should have been up earlier, but it was difficult to sit down and type during the course. I was too busy attempting to maximise whatever little time bestowed upon me. Anyway 2009 for me was a pretty uneventful one, so I am hoping to making this year very eventful. I think my ORD might be adding to the motivation, anyway here goes.

This year I intend to:

Get reallly fit.
by 31st july
1. Drop to my ideal weight(95kg)
2. run 2.4 under 10 minutes
3. get back to a 14s 100m sprint
4. bench 120, squat 180, dl 160, 70 sp
5. hit 15 pullups

by 101210
1. lose my tummy
2. play for the 2nd grade.
3. have adv. diving

financially
1. be more frugal
2. save more than 2k.

academic
GET INTO MED SCHOOl

music
1. learn piano or violin
2. improve my pitching/ear
3. improve my sight singing
4. sing with SDG more

spiritual
1. expose at least 5 young people to the Tridentine Rite
2. learn more apologetics
3. continue to discover God (most impt)
4. pray more...

I also hope that I will get a chance to spend more time with my family, my 'old' family and my newly met most lovely cousins!

Get my driving license.

Hopefully when I review this at the end of the year I will be able to cross out most of these.

saturday morning amusement.

some random person added me on msn this morning. Attempting to figure out aforementioned contact's identity resulted in the following:

」david. says:
hi
who're you?
Hyo says:
Hey cutie, glad you msged me I was getting borredd...lol
」david. says:
again, with much more reservation, who are you?
Hyo says:
what r u up to?
」david. says:
pondering the existentiality of my unknown contact.
Hyo says:
oh yea?I'm feelin kinda horny right now lol
」david. says:
how wonderful for you.
Hyo says:
im just doing a cam chat right now, u wanna come chat with me on there?
」david. says:
no...
Hyo says:
cool, yea its pretty fun, it can get pretty hot in there sometimes! so many wild people. lemme get the info k

*BLOCK AND DELETE

WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT...

I don't know whether to be more disturbed at the advanced state of spam technology or the fact that it took me 4 replies to figure out I was talking to a bot -.- Maybe I am too nice...or too paranoid. RAWR!

Leadership.

'Leadership is a relationship.' -Kouzer and Posner

At the end of October, I started driving course. There were four of us transport supervisors, and hence we were asked to be the ICs of the group by the course commander. The two official ICs were the higher ranked, and the two of us were to help them. It was no easy task.

You must understand something about drivers to appreciate the situation we were in. To quote my friend Bowen, 'they're a really interesting bunch of people, who will be all over the place until someone with rank tries to boss them around, then they get together and gang up on that person.' It is already difficult for someone with rank to get them to complete their tasks, which were by no means difficult: falling in at the appropriate time to account for the strength, can you imagine the mountain awaiting the poor soul who had no rank trying to achieve this? That poor soul was me.

I am lucky to blessed with some leadership qualities, I carry presence, I can wield influence and I am decisive. However that does not win over everyone. Most of the my coursemates were reasonable and would listen, however there were always the GTs and the bengs to ruin the party. They're naturally loud, outspoken and don't like to be pushed around or to receive instructions from those they have no respect for. I was in trouble from the first week.

To but it bluntly, I would be giving out the routine orders for the evening and one joker would shout out 'yes private!' to everything I said, this was followed by a chorus of laughter. National Slaves are a rowdy bunch, however this doesn't bowl for me, it was a clear sign of disrespect and contempt. It was this same joker, F, that would cause me much grief for many a very long time.

F was an interesting character, he was short, loud and had natural leadership abilities and probably a Napolean's complex, but he hated being told what to do. The other two got this sort of treatment as well, though to a lesser extent than me. The last IC didn't get much because he kept a low profile and is rather quiet. Disadvantages of being tall and big. Of course F wasn't the only one. There were other's too who had grown up in similar environs and taught to question authority.

It didn't help that I was enveloped in my pride and didn't want to have anything to do with them. Thankfully, God turned that around and I got to know my coursemates better and became friends with many of them. Moreover there were two of my coursemates who were getting bullied and very badly due to their seemingly lower intelligence. I actually think one of them was an undiagnosed autistic. I was definitely off to a bad start.

However, I am thankful that God worked his ways through me and for helping me to uphold my values, placing their welfare first and being inclusive. I hope I achieved what he wanted of me...at least somewhat. I didn't realize it at that time, particularly because I was living the moment and busy steering people away from bullying the two poor sods. Slowly bit by bit, through listening to them, to rowdy and raucous trouble-making ones, I managed to connect with them in someway. I don't know how I did it, and I can only attribute it to God's grace and mercy upon poor me. I will never be best friends with them and never connect with them on an intellectual level, but their stories about their lives and their aspirations touched me. One of them, S, who is a gangster with a good heart, has a pregnant girlfriend who he was going to marry and he was signing on. Several more had aspirations to further their studies, which I am very glad to hear. Education is something I hold very dear.

I suppose they saw that I was doing my job properly. I was fair, while making sure they were taking care of. Maybe because they got to know me better. I don't know exactly, but it was like magic, as the weeks went by slowly and steadily, they became less rowdy during the routine orders and much more manageable. I was pleasantly surprised when some of these rowdy people defended me when they were forced to fall in again outside the cook house one morning due to the inefficaciousness of the duty officer. The IC is the fall guy for which all anger is projected upon in times when inefficiency causes excessive waiting and frustration.

Slowly but surely, they all fell into place until there was only F left. I think that was the most miraculous conversion. It was amazing that it happened and I still cannot fathom why. The very week that it occured, he insolently told the other quiet IC, 'Why should I listen to him? He's only a private like me.'

'But he's going to be a sergeant. You should give him some respect'

'No. At least corporal I can understand. But he's just a private, why should I respect him?'

I pretended to ignore them, but the words stung me deeply inside. I may not have made either command school, but I went through the supervisor course, I went outfield, I had to endure the idiocy of warrants for 2 months, I suffered. Yet, here was this fellow, straight out of BMT. I had gone through everything he did and more. It had to have counted for something. I resolved to ignore him for the rest of course.

Clearly, I wasn't ready for what would happen two days later. I've spent some time actually thinking about were the change was, but this is the only small morsel that makes sense. We were both walking to the adjacent building for our parking practice together. He, having just moved into the tonner stage, and me waiting for my test. I only recall asking him how the course was going and gave him a little advice on parking. But that day he was most well behaved! And the changes continued, from then on he helped me rope in his gang during roll call and he's never stopped encouraging me to pass my driving test or being friendly. It's a most wonderful change from the hyper little kid.

If that really is the turning point, and this is me being uncharacteristically unscientific, it just goes to show the power of connecting. A simple thing such as taking an interest in other people's lives can change their impression of you so much. I think the entire time that I had as IC of this group has more than reinforced that with me. A simple question and some sincere genuine concern and an impartial listening ear can really brighten up people's lives. It's really God's grace that I've been blessed with the ability to connect with people at least on a basal level, even if I might not be able to go deeper(which I'm working on!), it's more than enough.

Ironically, half way into the course, I met with someone whom I was supposed to collaborate with on the leadership project for church for lunch. This project ultimately crashed due to the meeting and I haven't resolved any of the issues yet(please pray for me!). During the meeting, he laid down some ground rules about our working relationship, it amused me that he noted that he talked to some people and they told him I would be difficult to work with and that I had poor people skills. I don't doubt that in the past this may have been true, but I was pretty disgruntled. Amusingly, a week later, F become my friend.

Where Got Time?

'Where got time?'

It's a phrase often uttered during driving course, and always by people who have already completed or passed a certain stage in their course and always to taunt people who have yet to pass that stage.

I certainly heard it a lot. At the two key stages of the course, I was stuck for a while as I watched everyone else go on without me. In fact it took me eight attempts to pass my driving test. I cannot fathom why except to postulate that ADHD played a major role in carelessness during the test. It was like a replay of the years in school. I had to watch as my peers took off and left and went ahead without me. I watched as all the engineers slowly went back, I watched all my supervisor friends finish and return to the Advance Alley, I watched my coursemates go too. It was a very trying period for me.

Failure is not something tolerated well by this society, it doesn't believe that failure can only encourage learning. You learn the most from your mistakes and failures, no matter how painful, then you ever will from success. Seeing a fire and feeling it's extreme heat upon your fingers is the difference between true understanding and a false one. The pain that shoots through the burnt area and throbs for a week reminds you never to attempt to hold the fire again. However, Failures can also be enjoyable ones, a father who gently corrects his son's attempt to join the wrong pieces of a model plane together will do two things: 1. show his son that learning is fun and 2. build a stronger bond between them. It is of course a balance.

However, failure in this course is akin to getting caught for a petty crime. Failures are ridiculed by peers, pitied by others and a made to do corrective training. I can remember that by the time I failed my seventh attempt I was practically willing to give up. And did I have to a lot to give up. I had one last attempt before I would be re-vocated and loss my promotion with a pay rise and most importantly my pride.

Most of the trainees who go through this course are not very educated people, and here I was the A level student. As much as I am ashamed to admit, I was being rather elitist about the whole thing, at least in my head. I was inclusive and made friends with them, but I despised them for passing first and I despised myself even more for being more capable and not able to pass on my first go.

It's almost a mirror to my education. I felt that I was smarter than my classmates, and the same cycle repeated itself. It was worse though because in school I completely didn't attempt to connect with them at all as I did with my coursemates. To think, had I been the person I am now three years ago, I would probably have had a lot more friends. That said, I was and still am a rather socially awkward person. It is really embarrassing what a big ego and pride can do to you.

The whole experience has been humbling. I wonder if God had a plan for me in this coure. I wouldn't have passed without his help, and I realized that. I wouldn't be able to get anywhere with his grace. He's also made me put my money where my mouth is regarding my ideology of inclusion rather than exclusion. I have made quite a few friends here in the course. In fact, the entire group practically never stopped encouraging me to pass and I am wholly grateful for this! I also think I learned more about leadership during this course than I ever would in OCS. Most importantly, I learned more about humility.

I truly understand the frustrations of the drivers who take a longer time to pass. The short duration between tests sometimes as short as two days. The lack of time for emotional and psychological recovered. The demoralisation of being left behind. The frustration and the stigmatism of being branded a lousy driver despite having clocked the most mileage. Only the good instructors and the testers know who's safer.

This pass is not my own, and you will never ever hear me utter 'Where got time?'

Speeeeeeech

I wrote a speech for my Grandparents on their fiftieth wedding anniversary. Wrote in an hour, so it turned out a bit long because I didn't have time to time it. :/

Having only known Grandpa and Grandma for a very small portion of their married life, there isn’t much that I could really say. Though I must say that this small portion spans my entire life, and that at every step of the way, from diapers to boots and camouflage, they have always been present and never held back their love, encouragement and advice. All of us grandchildren have much to thank them for, after all we wouldn’t be the upstanding young citizens that we are today or have achieved our educational level without their help. We owe them a great deal, so I would like to thank them for a few things.

Firstly, Grandpa, Grandma, thank you so much for teaching us. All of will forever remember the huge effort and time that you put in to make sure that we pass our examinations and tests reasonably well. In fact, the four older ones would agree with me, that we owe it all to you for getting all of us in to good secondary schools.

Grandma, we all remember the hours that we spent sitting at the table, piled with Chinese textbooks and assessment books, inside your room, as Grandma attempted to teach us Chinese. Xuo yi, wo men ke yi jiang hua yi yi tian tian. That was a very trying period for all us, with Grandma desperately trying to keep our attention and drill in the ting xie for the week and, of course, us, desperately trying to get away, that was until she locked the latched in the upper right hand corner of the door, preventing any opportunities to escape. When we didn’t behave, we would meet the feather duster. Think Ip Man with the feather duster. Though, Grandma could probably beat him one on one. We were all lucky of course, that Grandma wasn’t as strict with us as she when Mummy, Aunty Cc and Aunty Ba were children. Despite her strictness, as Aunty Alice always says, “Your grandmother has a heart of gold”, when we behaved ourselves, we would be rewarded with trips to NTUC for a treat, chocolates and with money.. I’m pretty sure that the whole thing probably took a few years from Grandma, but she still did it. Thank you very much Grandma, the four of us passed our PSLE Chinese sufficiently well because you. Though, we would like to say sorry for ultimately failing and dropping the subject for CLB before the end of secondary school.

While Grandma toiled to teach us Chinese, Grandpa had a bit more success with our English. Without him, I don’t think any of us would have been able to master the language with competency that we have. He took the time to patiently sit down and teach us everything about grammar, from past tense, to future continuous perfect. We know our adverbs from our verbs and nouns from our pronouns. Grandpa is probably also responsible for our interest in literature. Whether we realize it our not, the four older ones are all avid readers, two of us actually took literature at A levels. I remember he would always animatedly read us stories and sometimes changed the plots a little to tease us, this usually occurred him coming into the story and stealing the limelight from the protagonist, much to our naïve horror.

So there is no doubt, that they are the contractors who hammered in the pillars of our academic foundation. This isn’t the only thing they did. They also taught us many things about generousity, love and devotion through their excellent example. Grandma prayed the rosary everyday, and everytime we stayed over at their house because our parents were overseas, she never allowed us once to forget to say our morning and night prayers. In the afternoons, Grandpa would always make us cups of milo and garlic bread from homemade garlic butter that grandma had painstakingly prepared. They also made sure we had enough money, giving us vitamin M when they came over for dinners or what not. We couldn’t do anything but reluctantly accept.

This generosity extended beyond the family as well. Any lucky chap who happened to have the opportunity to enter that small cosy apartment was always greeted with great hospitality. When there were guests, they would always be seated at the sofa with a glass of orange squash or beer and be happily contented with good conversation. It’s no surprise that despite the painful memories of studying, we still love to go to visit our grandparents when the opportunity arises.

Most importantly, they gave us their time. They never failed to ferry us to and fro from school, to dental appointments, ballet classes, bowling practice, rugby practice or send us home. When we got older, they were and still are always willing to provide us with transportation whenever we called, without any questions asked, and never reluctantly provided. Grandpa and Grandma also never failed to give us advice, provide a listening ear and encouragement as well interesting stories from their childhood and opinions about the current state of politics.

They continue to teach us about love. In this day and age where the news is fraught with stories of increasing divorce rates and you hear of marriages not lasting for more than five years, Grandpa and Grandma have managed to do ten times better, they have been married for 50 years. Not only that, they have been through a war, raised three daughters and four rowdy raucous grandchildren and are still raising another four more! Such a feat would not be possible without love. It mustn’t have been easy either, mixed marriages were frowned upon in those days, yet you managed to pull through. We can only hope that when our time comes, we will be blessed with such longevity too. Grandma, Grandpa, you truly have followed Christ’s example throughout your lives, and continue to lead us to his light in your example.

Thank you Grandma and Grandpa for the love and care that you gave to us, and for making us who we are today. I pray that you continue to have many years to come and outlive us all!

Confessions of an Anti-Choice Fanatic.

Dear friends,

I want to share this pro-life article with you. It's written by ethicist and theologian Dr Matthew Flanagan. in it he logically confronts the arguments put across by the pro-choice pro-abortionists with some rather interesting viewpoints. It is a rather entertaining read.

http://www.mandm.org.nz/2010/01/contra-mundum-confessions-of-an-anti-choice-fanatic.html
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