society bites

Welcome to my life, it's half past one and I’m still online. Well that's the chronic insomnia speaking but never mind. I hope ye who read this will not mind my poor writing skills, I haven't written any entries for about an eternity. So since this is one of those hopeless all-nighter nights, I will take my hand at writing once again.

Have you ever had an identity crisis, you go through all those fads and phases trying to find a niche in society that will fit you in? Have you ever felt one against the world in a never ending battle for acceptance? It's so annoying, the way that we're built to need society, community and friends and at the same time to gain their acceptance. It's scary, how our need to feel acceptance turns us into carbon copies of the people we want acceptance from, individualism tends to be tolerated till a certain level before you become 'weird' and then ostracized.

I guess, rules, spoken or unspoken exists in all forms of communities to societies regarding acceptance. From a macro to micro perspective, groups of people are ostracized from society failing to make her criteria; they then exert their individual differences even louder, as if telling society to go fuck herself as they don’t need her. This then transfers onto a micro perspective, other individuals looking for an escape from society’s criteria then do the group completely flattery with their mimesis. And that children that is how we end up with cosplayers and goth people.

I wonder how the social butterflies do it, the ones who are able to change their frequencies to sort the different types of communities that they live in. It’s like they have some sort of gear shift to change to fit the criteria of each. From jock sportsman to intellectual to Sensitive New Age Guy to Geek or whatever in a no time, it’s amazing since each group has its own set of boundaries. When with jocks, it’s alright to be vulgar to spout ‘fuck’ like there is no tomorrow, and pull immature pranks and just jack people like anything just for the fun of it, but bring up something intellectual and you’ll probably get skinned alive. Contrarily, pull that in front of girls or smarter people and you’d be hung.

It’s a pity the world still dwells in the chaste system, albeit one that is unspoken. Though we have social mobility, it really is lacking, sometimes I just wish the world would grow up and be more mature and accepting and take me for who I am inside and not out. There are two types of people in the world with regards to acceptance, the ones open and mature enough that they are willing to accept and see people for who they really are and the ones that only see the outside long before they finally take a peek in. It’s a pity the latter make up the most of the world.

For me it’s like a reverse identity crisis, I know who I am, but I now need the world to see it that way. Apparently I just never learnt the right body language, from what I gather…after being ostracized for so long, how do you change something innate and natural? C’est la vie, it’s so damn difficult sometimes, cause no one can pinpoint what exactly you do wrong and you don’t know it’s wrong cause you don’t know what’s right either, you just wind up confused and despondent. Try doing something nice and good and facing a wall the world erected around you for things you don’t do on purpose. It’s like being lost all the time. Ah well. One day they’ll all understand. Hopefully anyway.

I just need to find that darn frequency tuner :P