time.

It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.

-Rose Kennedy

here i am once again, on another test, a test of my faith. But why do i seem to always fail such tests? I do trust God. Yet, I find myself once again being distanced. Well I pray that I will pull through.

Though here time is playing deja vu, the names and the faces changed, but the story remaings insomuch as the same. I just missed baccalaurette service as photographer again, and tomorrow is AC games. Once again, i'm going to to take photos. I wonder if the final event that floods this occasion will largely be the same. I sincerely hope that it will not be disastrous repeat.

So strange though, the author of this somewhat intermittent and disengaged article, is definitely not the same as the one of last year. Now I'm actually itching to hit the books again. That's right, I want to study! I cannot extoll upon the need to re-chalk the huge holes that flood my notes like potholes on the m-42 or other highways in Britain. The ideallic model student nerd.

They say success is 99% hardwork and 1% intellect. I know I already fulfill the second require, heck I'm pretty sure I more than fulfill it, I overcompensate for the first one with the second. That was definitely true of the past year, and somewhat this year, but I know I slogged away for my exams this year. I have never worked harder for any other papers before. Refining techniques, and playing by the rules, yet why do I feel so unaccomplished? Am I really a reject of the system, or is it posssible that that is just a simple illusion that has become buried deep within my head? Yet there's also an element of surprise and randomness to any thing you do. Predictions of probablity can only take you so far, so I guess success is really 94% hardwork, 1% intellect and the rest is luck. Maybe the latter is something I'm not really endowed with. Maybe.

Though there's one thing I do know, I don't want to go through it anymore. Failure is devastating, and everytime I've been hit with it, I bounce back. But it steals from you, robs you, beats you, leaves you barren and awaiting death. Egregiously, it strikes, ever severly. It's not easy to bounce back, honestly, the feeling of desolation is horrid, I hate to experience it again. It's really hard to grow grass upon dry arid land. That land is the land of failure, and like nomads you travel this land til the rain starts to thunder above and pepper you with its tiny droplets of sweet arableness. But the scars still stay.

I really hope it doesn't happen again.