Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be glad (be glad)
From now on,
our troubles will be out of sight. (out of sight)

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Make the yuletide gay,
From now on,
our troubles wil l be miles away. (miles away)

Here we are as the olden days,
happy golden days, of yore.
Faithful friends who are dear to us,
will be near to us once more.

Thru' the years we all will be together,
If the Lord allows (allows).
Hang your shining star upon the highest brough!
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now.

Christ The King.

Today is the solemnity of Christ The King, that means the new year is about to begin. 6 days till the first day of ADVENT. Christmas is coming!

Oh how i wish i had my ipod, so i could blast christmasy rock opera goodness to the whole house. Play carol of the bells non-stop feeling the energy of every single distorted note as it vibrates the air. LOVE CHRISTMAS. The tree is coming too, everyone loves a christmas tree! You get to put stuff all around on it, in such a mess and claim it's beautiful.. though it looks like a mess. And after that you put lots of presents under it! did i mention, CHRISTMAST IS COMING!

Advent means we get to sing a lot of really cool songs that we never sing. We proclaim the coming of the lord, his human incarnation, we tell the prophecy of Christ. LOVELY MUSIC... and we have to practice all the christmas songs too! EVEN MORE LOVELY MUSIC. then christmas comes and we sing all the good stuff (:(:(: oh did i mention it's around the corner?

I think my favorite part of christmas is the giving. of course, to do so i'm going to have to find a job.. or get really creative.. jobs are easier aren't they...We shall give! christmas is a most wonderful time to start giving, and there's no reason to hold back too! or rather if you need an excuse what better than now? Getting stuff is fun, but giving is way more cool. so give give give!

And i get to play all my TSO!

THE LOST CHRISTMAS EVE

ON A STREET IN THE NIGHT
IN THE COLD WINTER’S LIGHT
A CHILD STANDS ALONE AND SHE’S WAITING

AND THE LIGHT THAT’S OUT THERE
IT JUST HANGS IN THE AIR
AS IF IT WAS JUST HESITATING

AND THE SNOW IT COMES DOWN
AND IT MUFFLES THE SOUND
OF DREAMS ON THEIR WAY TO TOMORROW

AND WHEN THEY APPEAR
THIS NIGHT WILL HOLD THEM NEAR
FOR WHERE THEY WILL LEAD
SHE WILL FOLLOW

FOR HERE IN THIS CITY OF LIGHTS
THIS EVENING AWAKENS
THE DREAMS THAT IT MIGHT
THE WINTER IT CONJURES
THE SPELLS IT WILL WEAVE
THE SNOW GENTLY COVERS THE GROUND
CHRISTMAS EVE

IN THIS SCENE
ON THIS NIGHT
THERE’S AN ANCIENT HOTEL
WHERE SHADOWS THEY DO TEND TO WANDER

AND THE GHOSTS THAT LIVE HERE
HOLD EACH MOMENT SO DEAR
FOR TIME’S NOT A THING ONE SHOULD SQUANDER

AND THEY RECOUNT THEIR SAND
AS IT RUNS THROUGH THEIR HAND
AND EXAMINE EACH MOMENT FOR MEANING

IT CAN BE WISHED UPON
TILL THE MOMENT IT’S GONE
LIKE DAY DISAPPEARS INTO EVENING

FOR HERE IN THIS CITY OF LIGHTS
THIS EVENING AWAKENS
THE DREAMS THAT IT MIGHT
THE WINTER IT CONJURES
THE MOMENT IS SEIZED
THE SNOW GENTLY COVERS THE GROUND
CHRISTMAS EVE

MERRY CHRISTMAS
MERRY CHRISTMAS
MERRY CHRISTMAS
MERRY CHRISTMAS

CHRISTMAS
CHRISTMAS
CHRISTMAS
CHRISTMAS

THROUGH THIS NIGHT
THE DREAM STILL WANDERS
AS IT WAS MEANT TO BE
AND EVERY YEAR THIS NIGHT GROWS FONDER

OF CHILDREN AND CIRCUMSTANCE
CAUGHT IN THIS CHILDHOOD DANCE
AS THE WORLD TURNS AROUND
KEEPING DREAMS ON THE GROUND

WINDOWS OF FROSTED ICE
PRISMING CANDLELIGHT
AND SOMEHOW WE
START TO BELIEVE

IN THE NIGHT AND THE DREAM
AS IT CUTS THROUGH THE NOISE
WITH THE WHISPER OF SNOW
AS IT STARTS TO DEPLOY

IN THE DEPTHS OF A NIGHT
THAT’S ABOUT TO BEGIN
WITH THE FEELING OF SNOW
AS IT MELTS ON YOUR SKIN

AND IT COVERS THE LAND
WITH A DREAM SO INTENSE
THAT IT RETURNS US ALL
TO A CHILD’S INNOCENCE

AND THEN WHAT YOU’D THOUGHT LOST
AND COULD NEVER RETRIEVE
IS SUDDENLY THERE TO BE FOUND
ON CHRISTMAS EVE
ON CHRISTMAS EVE
ON CHRISTMAS…

30 Days

Advent is upon us.

1 week before the madness begins.

Gigantic 'R'.

Hello darling non-existing readers. I wonder if you noticed the new apartment. Yes, well technically, it's not new, i just had the flat renovated and some new windows installed, a lava lamp, shark tank, you know all those things you can't live without. I would certainly like to thank my decorator Ms Xue. It's lovely darling, absolutely love it.

The countdown has officially started. 6 days, 22hrs and 54 mins.
I hope I make it.

HO HO HO

GOOD MORNING ANGELS

How are you my dears? doing alright? I sure hope so.

I spent or rather, more accurately, wasted my morning at the MOE's FAT CLINIC at SGH. I spent the entire morning being told what I already know. Clearly someone in the PE department is trying to play a practical joke on me, shah didn't even get called for such shit. So anyway I found out I'm severly overweight, I'm hundred kilos, i'm going to get heart attacks, strokes, diabetes and other god knows what that i haven't heard over and over again. Gee thanks.

The only fun I had was making the nutritional nurse flabbergasted. She was shocked that i wanted to put on 10 more kilos, and of course that put her in a spot, a rather amusing spot. She get repeating the same things over and over again, and was more shocked when i told her I eat 6 meals a day. Silly woman, she had to call in a professional nutritionalist who wasn't of much help either. She kept hyping on how I should avoid fatty foods. Even a primary one child knows that!

This just confirmed that when left in a job which is repetitive you grow senile and stupid. Quite clearly, the lack of additional randomizing flucuation of life puts people in a great spot. The worse part is they lose their ability to ask 'why' they don't question what are the reasons anymore, they assume and generalize applying inept models of previous experience to a situation that won't fit, like trying to stuff the square peg through the star hole.

i guess i can't stop alienating people.
blah. i wanna go clubbing more...

I spent the whole of last night learning about pop art and other movements from meranda, thanks babe! after visiting warhol and becoming greatly confused. Mr warhol is a such a sight. Pop art and dadaism...then postmodernism...
i realized i'm not a romantic. i'm post modernist. meh...
it's the process.. when it starts showing in my art, i wonder which institution they're gonna admit me to?

Christmas is en route. C=

"When I was fourteen, my father was stationed in Japan. I went rock-climbing with this kid from school. He fell, got injured and I had to bring him to the hospital. We came in through the wrong entrance, passed this guy in the hall. It was a janitor. Friend came down with an infection and doctors didn't know what to do. So they brought in the janitor. He was a doctor and a buraku; one of Japan's untouchables. His ancestors had been slaughterers, gravediggers. And this guy knew that he wasn't accepted by the staff, didn't even try, didn't dress well, he didn't pretend to be one of them. The people around that place, they didn't think that he had anything they wanted, except when they needed him. Because he was right; which meant that nothing else mattered, they had to listen to him.”

-Dr. Gregory House

Flashback.

A rare look into the romantic life of my grandparents

Can't sleep.

Only stupid people take ampethamines at night just to focus. especially the extended release kind, which last for 12 hours.

Luckily, I'm an idiot.

Anyway the entire thing with nostalgia which I'm going through after revisiting has left me in a recollective mood. Thanks to my damn memory, i now can recall in complete detail my entire house, in each of it's distinct periods. I'm so gonna freak my mother out when she wakes up. =D

HALFWAY TO HALF

NAILED 17.9KM WOOOOOOOOOOT
HAHA GONNA FINISH MY HALF BABY!


Almost didn't finish too...me and my miscalculations. all cause i reversed my route instead.. Ran from queens to holland and down towards dear old sunset way.. thought that be 10k, thank god i realized it in time and took a diversion into my old neighbourhood.

Sunset way. I ran down past the bus stop down the street that leads into the heart of the little neighbour, past balmoral bakery where i used to eat nice curry puffs and mummy would order our birthday cakes, past the old barbers where i used to cut my hair as a kid. Malay barbers, and a really straight cut which had no parting no matter what you did. i was also skinny and 150cm..HEH...

Down I ran into clementi arcade, all the new shops i saw. It was so strange, now that the montesorri was gone. A wine shop, cake shop, the daily scoop. Bather's is still there, the cafe that used to have a cybercafe. We'd play there all the time, how many tuitions i skipped to try and frag people in CS, till daryl got caught in school U and the police caned the outfit. Man i was so lazy in the those days, i'd cab out to the place so i didn't have to walk the km out. And i remember the lagasne, was so good (:

Past the now opened new condo that was still in it's development when i moved out and away from my beloved hometown. I remember there used to be a rockies there and a dominos. We used to munch dominoes a lot for a dinner treat cause it was good, till the rats closed the place, the condo developers killed the other good pizza place. Blah.

Then the boy ran past Mark Chu's old place, the memories of those carpooling days in primary 1 flooded his memory. I remember the mark chu before he got all gangsta. He collected lego and fish, his family were well off i guess, he was always getting all the nice castle sets i wanted. heh.. We connected through lego. The ultimate connected must have been michael, he lived further up in sunset square, we carpooled with him too. He was p3. Aquanauts came out that year, he got the nice old huge base. Imagine that, Lego was a boys world in those days. I had a collection of the small ones, at home and in Yeh Yeh's house. I loved the construction vehicles. I still keep my book of construction vehicles. My favorite was and still is the backhoe bulldozer. Boys are heavy duty creatures. Wonder if Mark still lives there. He changed so much in sec 1. I remember the nursery behind his house, my used to get plants there. Heh I remember in p1, toilets were evil and i peed my pants once.. was so embaressed.. silly silly me. That was also when i first wondered about the concept of time. What is time, does it exist, is it all a dream and how relative is it? Everytime i ponder this, i get draw to the memory of going home with slightly damp pants in the carpool. then to the present, then to other far off memories. lucky no one noticed. Photographic memory sucks and I like castles.

As i ran up the hill with much difficulty, I ran past the blue roofed house with the chinese lion statues. I briefly had chinese tuition there when my mother thought mr ng wasn't enough. that was p6, i remember the other david went there for tuition too. he lived a few blocks down and was in GEP in nanyang. He went to acsi and i never heard of him again. I wish i had gone to GEP, might have found more companionship. I remember i ponned chinese a lot, i went to do stupid things like play lan at clementi arcade. Now i feel bad, she was a nice lady.

Nearby was the park. That was were we gathered every evening to play soccer. The more inclusive soccer, where the whole neighbourhood got involved. James and John, uncle habajan. Andrew Yap was there too. I think about Lay Yung, he lived on sunset walk or square.. nearby my flat.. we had the same p1 and 2 class. I wonder where he went. Think he moved. There was Meng WeiJun. He went to I and AC and graduated with 6 As. Wonder where he is now.

After the park i past the backgate, and the clubhouse entrance. I remember all the swimming, the badminton, the machomee and snacks, and the walking home. As i pass the condo's park, i remember the soccer we had there. We played on my seventh birthday, i invited my classmates and neighbours.. Uncle edmund was referee. I was so lousy at soccer. I still am. Pity ADHD people learn differently. I pass the old basketball court, and Alex's house. Wonder if he still lived there. I learnt a lot about life from Alex, whom i'd met in p2, he was p6, we had the same bus. The bus driver's name is Ah Chai. He was a little crazy, and we were bad kids. Heh.. It takes a lot of patience to drive a bus with hyper primary school acs kids. That was where my interest in aeroplanes was festered. Fighter planes. We roleplayed the games to pass the time. I was so fascinated and engulfed, it was just so magical, like a dance we recreated with our hands of ariel dogfights. Guess to the other's they were just passing time. Alex read thrillers by Tom Clancy. He went to NJ, i met him two years ago at tanglin mall. wonder where he is now...

Past the playground, the slides and all are still there, we'd meet there and have fun after school in the afternoon. Kids are mean things. I remember one boy was nicknamed some hokien swear word. Poor kid. Digimon was king then and we all just wanted to fit in and collect digimon cards, then pokemon cards. We all just wanted to fit in, guess as a kid you fit in much better. That was were i met Jansher, his parents knew my parents somehow. He knew what a pun was and was a parent flatterer. He influenced me to get our own PSone, and stuff. They shipped him off to austrailia...Wonder what happened to him. His phone number was like my best friend's with one number difference. He was in henry park.

Heh I remember the super soaker wars. We all got super soakers to play wargames with each other, split into two teams. It was Alewx's idea, living his dream. He was the influence for me joining NCC... It was so weird... He should have signed on the army. We would play using the condo's basement and levels as a complex. It was our own laser quest. I even had a party in p4 to do just that. P4, that was when i met David Ng and there was Ian Ong from P1 and 2, we were all interested in planes and war games. There was also marcus chin and a lot of people. I remember Melvin Sim back in ACS P, i remember how i got in trouble in p5 and he was sent to counsel me, we always had a close relationship after that, when i was not in trouble that is. He followed me all the way to the end of barker. Those who disregarded him are idiots. He was great. He and Mr Wan and Mr Leong, the three P6 teachers who greatly influenced my life. I haven't seen them in a long time. He used to play basketball with us during recess. Bookworm club was the in thing then too. There was starcraft as well. I remember we'd flood the bookshop with our newly found powers of economy to buy little toys and trinkets.

I remember too all the talk about the p6 medical tests. We had a lot of stupid stories, especially about the foreskin test, to check for abnormal penile growth. The year before us the boys had to drop their pants infront of a female nurse. All the strange stories we heard and the slapstick sex jokes we made about it. We talked about it all the way into or p6. We were discovering our sexuality.

P6 was also roy and alwin and kumar. We were the clique. I wonder where they are now.
Since then, only jason tan and aaron wong followed me through class into sec 4.

Then i remember the accident in p4, there was a car crash just outside the carpark of the clubhouse, and my mum stopped to help, her friend someone from paeds was already there. The owner was rather rude accoring to my mother and refused our help, she inadvertantly drove off. The car involved was a blueish grey jeep-like car. The sky was orange red. We had started driving Toyota MPVs.

Then i ran past the guard house. I remember in p5 and 6, i made friends with the guards. One knew my grandfather, my grandfather unfortunately couldn't remember him. I learnt to take the condo bus. It cost a dollar then. I remember my house was so nearby to the clubhouse, it was a nice flat, #05-07. I loved it. I still dream of the kitchen, and everything in it. I can still describe it in great detail. I remember the black stove and the folks and spoons were in the drawer underneath that of the ladles, and other cooking instruments. The dinning room, with our current dinning table, the living room, with the rattan furniture and our coffee table we sold. My room with the double decker beds and 3 computers. The baby grand, the placement of the cupboards. Everything. Next door was shuying, we didn't get along much those days. Now, we're good friends. Downstairs was sarah rod. heh...it was so long long ago. one floor below was darren, single child, dad smoked, tried to quit. I foolishly and naively tried talking him into doing so. silly me. I made darren cry a couple of times, we were so mean as kids. Luckily we made good friends and left on those terms.

Then there was Brookvale minimart, place to get snacks and when we were slightly richer other more exotic snacks..They sold good sausages. As well digimon cards galore.

I ran down sunset square, passed lay yung's old house, then later on the house we almost bought and uncle habajan and aunty daisy's. They bought taught me lit for a time. Lovely couple. I miss them a lot. Uncle habajan got baptized at st iggy's last year, still attends twelve noon i think. Aunty Daisy is a great pranakan cook (: I wonder why they had a soft spot for me. I wonder why a lot of adults in my childhood had a soft spot for me or either didn't want their kids to play with me. Could they have subconsciously seen the adhd and asperger's and too the logical appropriate steps that their parental instincts told them?

then i ran out one of my walking routes to get into my hard to reach condo. So ended my trip down memory lane. 2k in, 2k out. In sec 2, i took the bus to school on many mornings, with the full trip out and in.

Then ran down clementi, till i hit bukit timah road. If i hadn't stop the nice smoker for the time; though he still gave me the wrong time, i wouldn't have realized the nice miscalculation i'd made. From queenstown to holland, was 1.5, then down holland to clementi should have been at least 3.5; didn't go through the canal, then another 4 in out of sunset, with 2 down to bukit timah. With bukit timah it would have only been 16 in total.. so i was supposed to run down farrer and back to add the last 4. i died at the end of farrer. so 17.9

blah. the reverse would have covered everything, since the loop would have me going through farrer twice to get home.. still it's not too bad.

God, i think was with me, i only had to wait at 2 traffic lights, it was perfect timing. But i dunno.. i didn't feel him. could it be...?

I guess i spent a lot time thinking about childhood. I'd like to know what's so good about it that people want to go back? They think kids are not judgemental, i think kids are innocent, but they can be more easily swayed to biasness than older people, and they can be very cruel, without even knowing it. We've all had our fair share of people that we've made cry. What do you have to say about that? I feel a little remorseful and embaressed when I think about it.

I feel bad for my parents. They go through a lot with me. The unpredictable chaos in the life of the yung family, who likes to hear bad things about their kids when they know deep down it's not the kid's fault? How do you live life worrying what will happen to your child next, when every day could be fraught with so many painful things. The pain that your child is not developing normally, is getting bullied, but not knowing it's cause it's different. The child is so intelligent yet it's not performing in school, and the teachers are calling. As doctors, worrying whether the kid's liver will flip any day from the daily medication. I think they suffer an identity crisis everytime i have one. The worse part is knowing there's nothing they can do. I love you Mommy, I love you Daddy. Thanks for life.

where do i stand.

far out of the crowd..
makes me wonder what's holding back the misanthrope?

Make A Wish.

Must be great to be a dying kid. Apart from the dying part, of course if you live long enough, you get to try and have a wish granted by the make a wish foundation. Amazing non-profit organization. Sometimes they get crazy wishes to grant. Today was one of them. To a dying leukemia boy, they performed an entire makeover of his room, painted it and planted lots of star wars toys around, including a spaceship bed. And so his sister wouldn't feel left out, they redid her's too. All in one day. Then they dragged Lord Vader and two troopers and scout to see the kid.

the kid though shy, was extremely happy to see the dark of the sith.. it's amazing how people go through lengths to make dying kids happy. enjoy life i guess?

the juice is gone mummmy!

Ever since I stopped taking sleeping pills, my sleep has become more intermittenly disrupted, but I have been able to DREAM AGAIN. hahah woot. I felt so deprived for those 2 months without being able to have some really funky dreams. Though now I wish I had more discipline to scribble down the dreams before the disappear into the subconscious and never be found again. You should too. Dreams, they speak mountains about you're current mental status.

As you kids know, dreams like people can come in all shapes, sizes, focuses and volumes, and surreality. Well that means they can be good and bad. or possibly wrongly sentenced. Hence, with good dreams, come the bad, and the nightmares. I haven't had any Nightmares (tm) yet, and thank god for that, all mares who sound like ralph kramdem, and go around at night.. oooh the shrudders. I, however, have had a few bad dreams already.

There was this one last night, where i was in school, and there she was in school too, and i walked up to her, and asked her how her exams were going, and it went into a whole conversation. then i walked away. Dear God, why is this happening to me? I know it's probably cause I had a good dinner at that french place near my house, and it reminded me that she wants to visit paris. I don't really want to look deeper than that. Such be foolish deeds. But i can tell that she's been having good exams, the smile on her face every paper that i see her leave. hey, must be good.

Life has an apropos of screwing with us all.

Anyway, you should all DREAM... if you're not.. something's wrong and you're fucked up nuff said. haha and not just the go to sleep and dream of walking upside down along one of salvador dali's works, sipping coffee infront of a purple red sky. with blue grass and white trees. No, i mean the dream of where you would like to be. Then you have something to follow, it's the wood for your fire, gas for your tank, petrol for your boat, bond girl for your bond. you get the picture.

All those people without dreams, they just wallow around living their live now having fun, failing their exams as usual. Or they end up mugging like a demonforce trying to destroy the world with no real goal in line and wonder why they're so stressed. Without a dream to follow, life loses it's lustre. The future which is already so blurred, becomes even blurrier. Dreams give you focus and confidence. You can tell people this is where you want to go and where you want to be and what you will become.

Though i'm not saying live in your dream. you can never do such a thing. Then you'll be like the rest. Dreams are not meant to be lived in, only lived. The differences being that in the former, you idly pretend that you're already reached your eden. Which is as incorrent as a hitler was right, and is also a most dangerous affair. You will be living in the future. A fluid concept, full of potential and dreams, disaster and disease and death and unknown. There is a problem. The future is not NOW. you have to live in the NOW to live your dream. It is only logical after all, you are here and presence NOW. This very second as you read each word in this sentence, this is now. What's the point living for tomorrow, when it never comes?

Dream away children.

On the agenda.

I am happy! for once.hahaha my legs are aching like cause they are dead. 6 300m sprints, 120kg squats (5 reps), 5 x 15m sprints and a 6km run (super slow, hey my legs were DEAD). AND I LOST MY PHONE AGAIN! SLIPPED OUT IN THE DAMNNED CAB...
ahhhhhhhhhhh. but it's alright. just going to memorize everyone's numbers and call llike no one's business :P i'm kidding.

haha sorry for the intellectually lacking post. i felt like it.

best steak sarnie.

eventful day? perhaps.. finally made my steak sandwiche, a little over done, turned out medium instead of medium rare.. ah well first time mistakes. fresh herbs and spices do make a difference (: mmmmm mmmm shared it with my brother while watching ratatouille.

also, my mother drilled a hole in my thumbnail, to get rid of all the blood and serum stuck under the nail. I swear to God it's like getting stabbed again and again, panadol.. never works, and pressure under really sensitive fingertips... NOT GOOD.. but now there's a wonderfull black hole in my thumb nail that spurts globs of puss on regular intervals.

i'm left handed for a week at least. GO FIGURE.
THANK GOD FOR AMBIDEXTROUSNESS

NO MORE H

YES!! i didn't think about H today at all.
BRILLIANT ACHIEVEMENT. Looks like rehab is finally working..
no more syringes or puffs or evil thoughts.
sounds like a drug init. Drugs are bad kids!

Hey wait i'm on drugs! Well the good sort anyway. d.__.b yeaa..
dun ask, if yer know, yer know

Warning for the kids.
You should only take what your doctor has prescribed for you, and not what you asked your doctor to prescribe for you...like panadine

Tonight. Madness. (the lousy rant post time)

the tens were cancelled. bloody hell. Training was essentially fun, skipped physical and went straight to team runs. Even i got a run, till luqman decided he was not tired and went back in, he probably thought i was having too much fun.  the new balls suck. We got new pads too, and took them out for a run. I can personally tell you how they felt, seeing as how i was the one holding the pad and didn't get a chance to hit it. I swear it was like BRING DOWN THE FUCKING GIANT DAY. I spent that part of training do my best to throw them to the ground, it's not easy to really tackle with a pad. Dammniit why did tens get cancellled????

yesterday at the gym, i got my shoulder press technique corrected, to go all the way to the full range of motion. I didn't really understand jiao lian, as you all know wo de hua yi shi hen char, in any case, this other guy present explained it to me later, telling me about full range of motion and stuff and how the 300 guys were trained (the movie 300? ya that one.) I tell you it's pure madness. they got that look in 8 weeks, their discipline is god like, go check the guy who trained them at www.gymjones.com if you don't believeee me.
Gonna get fit...real fit. just watch.

I cannnooot believe i missed the actual halloween! i did catch the fake one on sat night.. hahaha pics are up finally =D (but it was oh so wrong)
go see..
http://s221.photobucket.com/albums/dd171/mosske/Party%20Night/