pre-existent woes.

Hello world. No, i'm not dead yet. Though i have been miserably tired. I have had many things to tell you, but unfortunately never the energy to execute the previously mentioned ideas and issues.

essentially, another year has gone by, and once again i'm at the entrance the road called lent. A much dreaded path, because Lent is a season of sacrifice, or most commonly associated with sacrifice. It is a time of preparation, of discipline and almsgiving and a time for spiritual growth. And it is bloody hard. Around the world millions of ladies are planning to try and give up chocolate, or some men will try and not get drunk. i don't know, don't really care. I'm going to give up food, or rather i'm going to take up the lifestyle of simplicity.

The hard road of simplicity is difficult and harsh for someone like me, who thrives on complicated philosophical problems, and analysing rubbish everyday, and who loves good food. I loove good food, but lent is of time of discipline. I'm going to see what I can do, with my eyes closes, crawling along a line, with God behind me and see if I can finish this lent without breaking my diet. Which would essentially be porridge, bread and water or homecooked food. No resturants, no coke, no soft drinks no no.

Discipline, it's something so essential to balance my chaotic impulsive life. Something, i will reluctantly admit to lacking, in everything i do. I have integrity in life, but without discipline to enforce it, it means nothing. It's disappointing to me that I'm slipping back into my irresponsible ways of not handing up work on time and being late for school, which is 3 times in the last two weeks. All these unacceptable things. Discipline follows you around everywhere you go like the words of your nagging mother, you can't run away. It's the differences between the geniuses and the smart-asses who hang out at bars talking junk all day. It's what makes those muscle-bound warriors big and those fat idiots in the gyming trying to get big.

time to get mentally tough.

the other thing bugging me is bgr. ol' valentine's favorite topic. why do i think about it? i realize i don't really care for a relationship, i just want company, why do i love for a specific company? what is with humans seeking out one person to hang out with all the time, one specific person, it gets so boring...i guess. I wouldn't know. it wouldn't matter. I don't want to get attached, logically, it's a really bad time, in the midst of a major year, it's a huge risk to take. Yet another part of me longs for companionship. It seems so weird, so strange. why?

i have a lonely life. Another feburary, alone at home, in the books.