MERRY CHRISTMAS.

11 days of christmas left. WOOT.

And i have found someone to fantansize over. YES i have a new love. OML and she's been kidnapped! the horror! What am i going to do ): nikon called last night admitted to the kidnapping, they're holding my poor girl hostage at a ransom of $7500. ): Oh dear D3 whatever am i going to do?

she's a milestone in nikon digital photography. my d70 is like some pre-neanderthal standing next to her.

FULL FRAME/12.2MP = WIN

not to mention the HIGH ISO NOISE CONTROL, you should see the sample pictures on nikon's website, up to ISO 6400, it looks like film grain! so sharp and clear. and it can go to 256,400! and at that iso it looks like my damn camera at ISO 800..oh deep deep sigh. I should just go back to film. bah!

Apart from my love being kidnapped(she was clearly hijacked from santa's sleigh, christmas has been a most wonderful event. Dinner on christmas eve was a complete success! hopefully, things will improve even more from there. Mah mah was thoroughly enjoying herself. David had many helpings of PEACH CHEESE CAKE, OMD, mummy makes the most sinister ways of fattening up her kids.. i couldn't help wondering whether she was in cohorts with a wicked witch or something. but if i am to be roasted alive remembering the taste of my favorite desert in the world!!! MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Christmas lunch was even better.. We missed uncle danny and kelly, but uncle jimmy, aunty dale and aunty ba had a really wonderful time telling me how i wasn't studying enough, my grades are bad and how it's alright if i repeat the As. how wonderful. Aunty Alice and auntie CC had a most wonderful time expounding the many metaphors they could think of regarding my hair. Erik was enjoying himself reliving the laughter.. the bastard. Oh well, once again networking was fun.. might OCIP cambodia in march. WOOT..

Christmas rocked, though, there's always one thing that disappoints me every year. It's the presents. Not in a materialistic way, i couldn't care what i recieved, you know? I just wished that I could have gotten something from friends. Getting something that i wished for would be an added bonus of course, but the entire motion of recieving something is more to me than just the material, it's the thought that someone actually took time and effort to think of me and to get me sometime personally. It makes you feel wanted. I guess This is the area that always falls short for me every christmas.

I think it's important to really give presents during christmas, i for one, find it completely disappointing to recieve book vouchers and cash. It says two things. 1) I didn't have time to think of you. 2) I couldn't be bothered to think of you. Not very nice right. I'd rather recieve a book that i may not read or something, even if you took a shot in the dark. It wouldn't matter, because at least it shows you care! of course if you really take a shot in the dark without considering the person.. that it's the same as giving cash. C'mon.. you know erm better than you think.
For those of you who know, I always but in a lot of effort to get people things, or to make stuff for them. This year it's books, hand-stitched books. Each book takes a minimum of 2 days to make, and it's personalized per person. I always wonder why i end up doing these things, i don't get anything in return for my effort. I wonder if people even remember me when they think up their shopping list, or if it's just limited to my family and my close friends?

It made me think of Christ though, God's greatest gift to us. And i remembered how he never asked for anything back, and how most of us never give him anything back? I asked myself what have i done for God this year? What have I even given to him as a gift? I am ashamed to say, I don't know and that I feel I probably didn't. I think of how Christ healed those ten lepers and how only one turned around to even thank him. How Christ died for us on the cross, God's greatest sacrifice. How many of us take it for granted? And during midnight mass this year, Fr Colin reminded us how Christmas really is Jesus's birthday. How a parishioner and her two girls baked a cake to celebrate Christ's birthday with the noviate. He made us sing happy birthday to Christ during mass. I felt so guilty. Christmas is Jesus's birthday, but here i am think of giving gifts to everyone but Him? I felt worse than neglecting family.

Most people want a lot of things during christmas, despite it being the season of giving. But christ didn't ask for anything, he just gave and he gave his life. I always tried to emulate him every year, i give without asking for something back, i don't complain much. yet now i feel i'm tiring of giving, i want to recieve something too, and it's not anything material, i just wanted to be needed, to be wanted, to be acknowledged. Am i doing something wrong? I know i'm only human to want, but is it wrong to play by such laws of reciprocity for christmas? I honestly feel so guilty thinking about it. I recall how my mother always reminds us that Christ was never wanted in society, he was hated by the pharisees, disdained by the people, who eventually crucified him. He thought us things that were practically the opposite of social norms. To give with out getting back, to forgive and to keeping forgiving (seven times seventy times), to love.

Sometimes I just want to give up, I always wonder why God makes me carry this heavy cross, to deprive me of society. To fulfill my deep desire of being wanted, acknowledged or needed. I don't think I'll ever find out till what His plan is for me, why I need to carry this large burden, until I finally meet him at death.I hope he'll tell me before he decides whether he'll take me into heaven or not. However, what I do know, is probably how Christ must have felt, the human side of him. To be unwanted by the very people he was brought down to save. The people who were always in his thoughts, yet, can God actually feel that way? God is love. Love is never lonely. Well whatever it is, if Christ does feel lonely and unappreciated on his birthday, then i know how he feels. This feeling doesn't just happen on christmas, i get it on mine too. Lord, what do you want me to do?

I must really thank my siblings this year, they've really matured, Erik especially, he put in so much thought and effort into his presents for us throughout the year(though he doesn't know me very well clearly, a book on bartending.. what am i? an alcoholic.. oh erik... i'm not really.. i know i guzzle whiskey like an old irish car, but no i'm not...). Sondra split of from the communal sharing this year, treating me to a pair of earings. I feel really bad that i didn't spend even time thinking of what to get them. Mummy gave a cookbook =D.

I think the funniest thing was daddy and mummy's presents between the two of them.. both of them so undisciplined.. tsk tsk tsk opening their presents before christmas. That was quite hilarious the way they way chosen. Dad was complaining how Mum was giving away too many bottles of wine, so mum said she'll give him one for christmas. Then mum inquired what she was getting and dear father had to remind her that she already got her fendi wallet and bag. oh dear..

I thank God for 12 days of christmas, i'm really behind on the books. I WILL FINISH. and holiday homework too.