Reading is inspirational. You just need to skim through a book, an article or some other person's blog to pick up on threads of thought that spur into action, whatever your creativity's ready to process. Of course at times, randomly banking on any such idea's just a dangerous whack in the bush. That doesn't matter. It's all about writing boys and girls. Just plain writing. Tonight's topic at this lovely time, in between frustrating summaries and moronic underlingings for gp is Confusion.
It's the pinacle of adolscent woes i must say. The older folk blame it on the hormones. Of course there's also that sudden maturing of your cognitive processing and reasoning. Suddenly the world's smaller, suddenly it's a whole lot bigger all of a sudden. Information is just boring in through newly discovered feelings, emotions and experiences. Things that never happened to teams before. That's why teenagers like to experiment. All about discovery, after all sometimes can't be described with words of pictures or sounds. It's all a very personal custom experience, to each his own world as intepreted by the brain.
It's the discovery that leads to this confusion. Like any creative scratching, new ideas and thoughts just pour in, uncontrolled, unfacillitated. The naivety of it all leads to just plain shock, surprise, awe or whatever it could be. It presents with to options, to persue or to flee. This is where confusion sets in. Lack of guidance or the advice from inexperience leads even the most ineffectual thinkers to stop and wonder and what to do.
The situation usually varies in profoundness, ranging from meagre things like which school to enroll, in, what shoe shop to visit, where to eat, to other things like relationships and friendships and of course the most annoying being love. The confusion itself is usually a simple dilemma from an outsider's perspective. It's easy to see the most obvious choices, the most obvious answers, and the most obvious results of the choice. It's difficult for people to consider the bloody complications reguarding the choices, the safe status quo which everyone encircles themselves in. They take comfort, hiding away, breaking it would lead to the unknown and it's dangerous, unless you're able to control it. Which, precisely, is what confusion is not.
Love in an adolscent's life is more confusing than in an adult's life. Love is always confusing (that annoys me greatly). It's confusing to the point only a child can truely sum it up in five words. The rest of the world will require a thesis to truely express what love means to them. Well it annoys me. I wonder what my confusion is. I looked at it from the outside, it's simple dilemma, simple problem, simple solution. Two answers. And from there life goes on. Honestly, given the stagnancy of the damn situation, either answer's fine. Outright, honest answers and i could get on with my life without having a muse in my head to conjure deep depressive moodswings.
But I'm scared of rejection. Strangely, i've been rejected all my life. No congenital abnormalities:reject->adhd, normal educational period:reject->welcome the j3 taking j1. 4h2s:reject -> bad class. But heck i took all that. Why am i scared of personal rejection? People reject all the time, it happens a lot in school, it happens MOSTLY in school. Maybe it's a status quo, maybe it's not. see what confusion does to someone on such a simple fearless choice. All this self-justification goes for naught.
Justification of the confusion just makes it worse, it's a procrastination. You second guess yourself, then you fail and you justify the failure. Most people don't consider process. Most of the time the process in confusion is moot. In the end, i guess you choose what you want to accept and what you don't. Whether to loll around in confused state, or move on and find new heights or new sights.
Hopefully, i'll get my chance to destroy all my social status quos. I just need to find a bunch of friends in this judgemental society of prim and proud morons that are able just be their retarded selves. We're all retarded, just gotta accept that.Retarded schools are cool.
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