missing: her special smile.

I just came home from a horrible day. It's especially horrid, since i made it horrid. My alarm didn't go off, I woke up late, and almost nearly missed the door on my injured leg. I think it's worse now. Slept through the entire council invest. I don't like council anyway. Wasted my day through lectures and stuff. Gah, i realized i'm still in pain from exams, I'm forcing myself into school everyone morning not because i want to learn, like the start of the year, but cause i'm hoping for opportunities to move on. I was such a bad boy today, i practically gave everyone attitude and i don't actually laughed at all today.): what's wrong with me?

Did i really make the wrong choice in coming to ac? Would i have been better off with my friends, my family in cj? I made such stupid excuses, oh, they'd be a level above me, i wouldn't get a chance to hang out with them. God, it sounds so riddiculus now. I should have listend to them. Or shouldn't I? I feel like Pip, so many great expectations, that don't go the way we want it. ACJC is my London, the ruggers my Drummle. But, where's my Herbert? Where is my dear sweet Herbert? I don't see how Pip could have survived Drummle without herbert, but to deal with the likes of morons like daryl weeming everyday. It's getting boring. Really boring. Then I have my Estella. Estella in acjc however isn't a cold person, in fact she's probably nothing like Estella except for her beauty and dislike of pip. I wish i'd never met her. (or do i?)

I'm getting blindsided by my results, completely lost track of time and i've forgotten about my upcoming tests. Why have i fallen so far? I hate that my life really only exists outside of the school i have chosen, the place I spend more than half of my day. I hate that my friends are littered so sparsely in my life that to have many of them around me at once to just loll about is so rare. I haven't hung out with a large group of friends probably since my Birthday (work doesn't count). I hate that i can't drown my feelings, i can't kill them, destroy them or burn them. I hate that I can be myself in school, school which feels so distant, faraway, so strange and awkward to venture each day.

I wonder what'll happen tomorrow.